


Dreams On Ice

by justanother30



Series: Dreams On Ice [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Canon - Tie-in Novel, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Inspired by Yuri!!! on Ice, M/M, Novelization, Off the Ice, Other, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Slow Burn, no questions about yuuri and victor actually getting together, yes folks they become an actual couple in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-02 23:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanother30/pseuds/justanother30
Summary: When Yuuri lost at the GPF, what really happened to make him skate to Victor's program? Looking behind the scenes to what happened off the ice would we find there was more to Yuuri's and Victor's relationship than meets the eye? What happened to make them (and us) fall in love with each other? If the series were a novel, instead of just 12 episodes what more would we find?And yes, in this version, they actually for reals get together - imagine if we weren't left guessing "are they really a couple"? This has all the romance I was dying to see more of!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Yuri!!! On Ice, but wanted to know what happened to the spaces we didn't see - off the ice. Think of it more like a novelization of the show, instead of a new world. Filling in the moments, fleshing out the characters and expanding the scenes. Writing it with those who might have actually never (Gasp!) seen the show in mind.
> 
> That said, it doesn’t always follow the story exactly, so don’t be alarmed if certain characters disappear, or scenes diverge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I rewrote this chapter, after doing some writing exercises focusing more on setting (one of my weaknesses when I write). I'd love any feedback! You can find it [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13492164)

Well, there was nothing like taking your dreams, dousing them in gasoline, and lighting the match to give you a new look on life. 

“Yuri, it wasn’t all that bad.” 

Except it really was. 

Celestino tried to comfort me. He’d been my figure skating coach for the last four years. One of the most sought after coaches in the figure skating world, I had traveled all the way from my small little town in Japan to Detroit to train with him. I wasn’t necessarily the best male figure skater out there, but my little island hometown of Hasetsu, with its picturesque snowy winters and love of all things ice skating, was so thrilled to have one of their own even qualify for the Japan Skating Federation, that everyone told me to go for it when I wanted to pursue my career further. They rallied around me so that I could go to the US for college and training.

When I left home to train at such a world-class facility I couldn’t be more excited. That’s when I felt like I could finally make a name for myself. It was hard though, being so far away from my family and friends. Although being from a small town could get really annoying, it was quite a shock being in a place where no one knew me at all. To fill the void I threw myself into training more than ever.

“You know,” Celestino told me once, “I was a bit skeptical when you first came to train with me. But what you lacked in skill, Yuri, you more than make up for in determination. I’ve never seen anyone practice as hard and long as you.”

This last season, all that hard work was finally starting to pay off.

“You did it, Yuri!” Celestino hugged me tightly when we got my scores and saw that I had qualified for the Grand Prix Final. Then, passionate Italian that he was, he planted two giant kisses on my cheeks. I was crying, the crowd was cheering, and funnily all I could think was, They don’t call this area the “Kiss and Cry” for nothing.

It’s not just that I had made it to one of the most prestigious skating competitions, second only to the World Cup Championships. But I would be skating in the same competition as _him._ Victor Nikiforov. Five-time World Champion, skating rock star, Greek god, and my idol. 

The first time I saw Victor skate I had been skating for a few years already. He was four years older than me, and when I saw him perform the first of his winning routines at the Junior World Championships something inside me opened up. It was if he held a key to a deeper love of skating I didn’t even know was locked away. Watching him glide across the rink, so natural and strong, as if he was born from the ice itself, gave me a peek into a new part of my soul. Ever since that day I aimed to capture that essence in my own skating. 

“I hate to say it, but Yuri Katsuki didn’t perform like his usual self today,” the commentator said as I received my final scores for my free program. 

Yeah, didn’t I know it. The Grand Prix Final had been a complete and utter disaster. 

The moment I entered the ice for the warm up and saw Victor skating there with me — not fifty feet away — practically gave me apoplexy. Then, as easy as if he were leaping over a small branch, he flew high into the air in a quad flip, his signature jump, and landed perfectly. My heart stopped. Both at seeing that move in person, and at the realization that I was doomed. 

I couldn’t see straight after that. The ice started warping in my vision, and instead of a flat smooth surface, I felt I was skating over a tossing sea. I couldn’t get my barrings. I tried one of my own jumps, a triple axel, child’s play for Victor I was sure, and landed squarely on my ass.

The worst part was the fact that I knew that despite it all, I really could’ve been great.

“KATSUKI TUMBLES TO LAST PLACE. AT 22, WILL THIS BE THE END OF HIS SKATING CAREER?” 

Those were the headlines that surrounded me now.

“Put that down!” Celestino chided. “Looking at the news won’t do you any good.” 

I couldn’t help it though, it was like I was drawn to every news article about the Grand Prix. It seemed like the news had just two things to report. The smashing success of Victor, who had now won his fifth consecutive Grand Prix gold medal, and how no one in the history of the Grand Prix had crashed and burned as badly as I had. 

Leaving the arena I kept replaying the last two days’ events over and over. Why was I even an ice skater? As I made my way through the crowd I could see that question on everyone’s face too. My face felt flushed, and I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. The crowd started to close in, and I could feel stinging in my eyes. I just needed to get the hell out of there, to find refuge. I spun to retreat towards the bathrooms when suddenly I ran, literally, into the last person I wanted to see.

“Omphf!” I had been moving so fast I practically bounced off Victor Nikiforov, who was a tall, solid wall of toned muscle. Shit. _Shit_. He reached out to steady me as I fell back, his hands gripping my shoulders. 

“Hey there, watch out,” he smiled. He wasn’t mad. Just showed a charming look of concern. He pulled me upright. I stared up at him and couldn’t speak. He was more stunning in person. I was fairly tall, but he stood even taller, with silvery-blonde hair, that fell over one eye. He shook his head to flip it out of the way, and his eyes sparkled, yes sparkled, down at me. “Everything alright?”

“O-oh my God,” I finally stammered. “S-sorry! I’m so sorry!” 

Victor winked. “It’s alright. Looking for an autograph?” He reached into his bag and grabbed a pen. 

That was the last thing on my mind. I scrambled away to the bathroom while he was distracted. I heard him call after me, but there was no way I was going to talk to him when I was like this. I couldn’t be more mortified. To finally meet Victor by practically knocking him over. God, I hope he didn’t watch my performance! Not that he probably knew who I was from a hole in the wall. I could barely hold back my tears as I locked the stall door and dialed my phone.

“Yuri?” Minako’s voice on the phone pushed me over the edge, and I just bawled into the phone. “Oh, Yuri, sweetie, it’s going to be okay.” 

“I was so horrible! It was awful. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” 

She just soothed me in between my sobs. Minako was the one who originally pushed me to start skating. A ballerina that traveled the world for dance herself, she was the other pride and joy of Hasetsu. My original ballet teacher, I always made time to get in some training with her when we ended up in the same city together. It was like having a little slice of home. She almost canceled a concert of hers when it conflicted with the Grand Prix, but I was grateful she hadn’t been able to make it. It would’ve been that much harder to have her here in person to witness my failure. 

“You’re going to come home,” she said when my sobbing quieted, “that’s what you’re going to do next.” I pondered her words. I knew that’s what made the most sense, though I wasn’t sure how I’d face my family, my friends.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” I didn’t want to make that decision yet. “Look, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.” 

I took my glasses off as tears continued streaming down my face after I hung up. I ran my hands through my short hair, making it messier than it normally was I imagined. Who cared? Suddenly, the door crashed open and I looked up into the beautiful face of a young, blonde-haired boy. His shoulder-length hair fell down around his face. Although he was visibly agitated he was so exquisite I stopped crying in shock.

“You! I saw you run into Victor,” he accused, his voice full of hostility. “Stay away from my coach.”

I stood up and looked down at him. He was several inches shorter than me, and although his frame was slight, his stance was all anger and confidence. All I could say was, “But, Victor isn’t a coach.” 

“He is going to coach me, for my senior debut,” the young man spat out. Ah, now I knew who he was. Yuri Plisetsky, the “Russian Fairy.” He was beautiful enough to warrant that name. But he was also nicknamed, the “Russian Punk.” I never understood that till now. Yeah, that fit much better. He looked like he was going to punch me, and I flinched under his gaze. 

“I know who you are,” he continued derisively, “and there is only room for one Yuri next year. After your pathetic performance out there you should retire. You don’t belong on the same ice as Victor. Or me.” He then spun and kicked me hard in the chest, laughing as I fell back into the toilet. As he walked away he called back, “Loser.”

Whoa. What was that all about? I pulled myself dripping out of the stall. Man, just what I needed. More humiliation, and from just a kid. Could this day get any worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after the Yuuri's failure at the Grand Prix Final.

_One year later_

Walking off the plane I just wanted to find a cab, get home, and crawl into my bed, and come out… well, never. I decided to stay in the US and finish college after the Grand Prix. After graduation there was really no where else for me to go but back to Hasetsu. Minako had put her foot down and booked my ticket. I should be excited to return home. I hadn’t been back to Japan since I left five years ago. But after my failed season last year, everytime I thought about facing everyone in town, I ended up running to the nearest restroom and throwing up.

As soon as I made it past the security checkpoint into the main waiting area I heard hoots and screams of joy from a small crowd. I stopped in my tracks. My family, Minako, and some of the staff from the local skating rink shouted greetings at me. Not only that, they had balloons and a huge sign saying “WELCOME HOME YURI! THE BEST SKATER IN HASETSU!” Horrified, I almost ran back into the airport. 

Well, I had to get it over with I guess. I walked into the crowd as everyone greeted me and gave me hugs. “Okay, okay, come on,” I said embarrassed. “We can leave anytime now.” I tried to hurry past everyone and shuffle my parents out to leave.

“Yes, let’s go,” my mom said. “We have a big party planned at home!”

“What?” No, this wasn’t possible. Couldn’t they just let me suffer alone? 

“Of course,” she continued. “Everyone was so excited you were coming back they wanted to see you!” 

At home it was worse than I expected. Did the whole damn town come to the party? When I stepped out of the car everyone rushed out to greet me. 

“Great season, Yuri!” a woman grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously.

“Yeah, right up until the end,” another man laughed heartily.

“Did _you_ skate at the Grand Prix Final?” she shot back.

“At least Yuri made it and skated among those famous skaters,” a young teenager chimed in. “It’s no wonder he choked under pressure.”

They all continued their debate on my performance, why I failed, and why I was still a contender. If there was one thing everyone in Hasetsu loved it was arguing over figure skating. I shook my head and made my way inside while they started to shout at each other. 

When I got inside hands from every which way started stripping me out of coat and took my luggage away. I tried to keep my layers on, but it was no use. I stood there in the middle of my home for all to see. 

“YURI!” Minako yelled at me, eyes wide. “What has happened to you?” 

Everyone stared my way, and really saw me. All of me. And there was a lot more than there used to be. I tried to slink away, but Minako’s eyes were shooting daggers at me. Most people around me just laughed and poked at my now protruding belly, making little quips about how I must really be retired, as it was obvious I had stopped skating.

My dad laughed as he came up beside me. “Now you look just like your mother.” 

“Nothing wrong with a little healthy weight,” she smiled at me. “Figure skaters are too thin for their own good.” She then sat me down and placed a bowl filled with egg and pork cutlets over rice. My favorite dish. Ah, now this felt more like home. I started eating. 

Soon everyone in our little inn was sitting down and enjoying the food and sake. I was feeling more relaxed. I always loved our little family inn, Yu-topia Katsuki. It was the last remaining bath house in Hasetsu, with natural hot springs. A cozy place with a few rooms for guests, a courtyard, steam rooms, and of course a natural mineral hot spring. Mostly locals came, though we had the occasional traveler.

The sake flowed more freely as the night went on. My dad and his friends tried to get me to join in a drinking game where they had removed their shirts and drawn big faces over their chests and bellies. Laughing hysterically, they were dancing in a big circle and seeing which painted face could get the most contoured. At that point most of the guests started leaving. _Thanks Dad for keeping it dignified._ Just what I needed to make sure coming back home couldn’t get even more awkward. The last thing I wanted was to join that bunch. I was just like my dad when it came to drinking. Who knew what would happen if I started? I bowed out and decided to call it a night.

“Welcome home dear,” my mom kissed me before I headed to my room. “We’re so glad you’re back.”

Yes, I was back. Now I just had to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

***

After my humiliating party last night I never wanted to leave my room, but Minako was pounding on my door bright and early the next morning at five am. “It’s time to get going.” She pushed me into the shower, then after I got ready, pulled me along with her cheerfully to her ballet studio. 

“Minako stop!” I jerked my hand out of hers when we got to the doors. “What are you doing? I’m finished. Retired. No more.” 

I couldn’t crawl my way back from where I had ended up after last season. My failure at the Grand Prix Final was just the start. I couldn’t pull myself out of that funk, and went on to lose at the Nationals, failing to qualify for the Four Continents and the Worlds. And, with no further ado, my entire season was over.

I was so tired. Tired of putting my heart on the line for the one thing I truly loved, only to have my own inadequacy rip it away. There was no one to blame but myself, and that’s what stung the most.

She stopped and grabbed my face between her hands. As hard as she pushed me, she also understood me more than anyone else, even Celestino. “Listen, I love you, you know I do. And I know if you don’t get back on that ice you will never forgive yourself.” She smiled and sighed. “You are harder on yourself any coach could ever be, even those crazy Russian coaches I think, and they are some hard sons-of-bitches. Don’t let your inner critic kill your love for skating.” A few tears escaped, but I sniffed back the rest. Minako wiped them away and kissed my cheek. “Come on now. Let’s warm up that body and get it back into shape.”

***

A month of ballet lessons had me feeling back to my old self. I loved the discipline of it, and once my muscles worked past the initial shock I got back into the routine quickly. I was ready to face the next impossible task. When I arrived at the skating rink I started crying again. I missed skating so much, and felt my disappointment well up inside me. I would probably never compete again, but the pull of the ice would never go away. 

I met Yuko inside. She and her husband Takeshi now owned the rink, and even though they were several years older than me, we had all been rink mates growing up. Takeshi always teased me, like an older brother giving me a hard time. He always pushed me to be better, though. Yuko on the other hand, she was my first crush. It was with her that I watched Victor’s Junior World championship competition. She was just as enthralled with him as I was, and we shared our admiration of him through the years. She always sent me posters and clippings of his skating successes, which I kept in my room in Detroit to inspire me. Now those same items hung in my room at home.

As soon as she saw me her face lit up. “Oh Yuri! I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been opening early since you came back, just waiting for you to come.”

Sweet. I gave her a big hug. “Thank you. Yes, you and Minako knew I couldn’t really stay away too long.”

It felt a bit odd lacing back up in the locker room. It had been so long since I had skated in this rink. In Detroit I didn’t skate much anymore, wanting to avoid the other skaters, afraid of their stares and whispers. But here, it was just me and the ice. No onlookers. No crowds. No coaches. I sighed. As I started to warm up Yuko turned to leave. 

“Wait, Yuko. I have something I’ve been working on, and I want your take on it. Can you watch me please?"

Yuko’s face was surprised, but she came back to the edge of the rink. “Sure. What is it?”

I plugged my phone into the speakers and selected the music. “I want to skate to this.” It was the music from Victor Nikiforov’s winning free skate last season.

Yuko gasped and looked up with me with wonder. “Okay,” she breathed.

I had secretly been working on learning Victor’s free skate routine ever since the Grand Prix finished. It was the culmination of his whole career, yet nothing like he had skated before. Every season he always surprised the skating world by doing completely new and unexpected routines, but this one had a certain soul in it I had never seen in any of his previous routines. And I had studied them all. I had actually learned all of them, well, at least the choreography. The jumps were something I still struggled with. When I skated them though I could tap into a part of myself that no one ever saw. A part away from the pressures of competition. 

As the music started I just let the routine flow through me. It was almost a trance. This was the only time I had ever done one of the routines in front of someone, not even Minako. I could feel my heart open up and release all the horror of last season. I didn’t cry it out. Instead, that energy went into the ice, propelling me through the routines, even the jumps. I just let myself feel, and finally could stop thinking. Each move, each turn, each gesture, each jump. I was one with the music and the dance. 

The music stopped and I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I wanted to hold on to that feeling for a bit longer. My body was a bit drained, not so much from the physical exertion, but from the emotional release. I finally looked over to Yuko. She was wide-eyed, tears trickling slowly down her face.

“That was amazing Yuri, truly,” she breathed quietly. “I’ve never seen you skate like that before.”

“Yeah,” I said ruefully. That was the crux of it. I could never skate like this for competition. “Thanks for watching. I’m glad to finally show it to someone.” 

I skated towards her and she gave me a tight hug. I started to leave the ice, but she pushed me back out. “You stay out there and skate as much as you want.”

“Alright, I think I will.” I didn’t leave the ice until the sun came down that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	3. Chapter 3

Stupid body. I had been working hard with Minako for six weeks now to get back into competitive shape, but I still had about fifteen pounds to go. I gained weight so easily, but losing it was an uphill battle. Today’s workout didn’t completely kill me though, which was a good sign. My body was getting stronger, even if I was still carrying some fat around the middle.

Now that I was feeling more myself I had been missing my friends back in the States. Sitting in Minako’s studio after training, I reached in my bag and grabbed my phone. I thought about calling Phichit, another skater I had trained with in Detroit. From Thailand, he was also a long way from home and we had become fast friends. He was always encouraging, and I knew he could cheer me up about my slow climb back to fitness. When I looked at my phone though, I practically dropped it. I had hundreds of messages and notifications. What the hell? 

I immediately called Phichit on video chat. “Hey Yuri! Can you believe it? This is crazy blowing up!” He then explained how a video of me skating to Victor’s routine had gone viral, getting tens of thousands of views. 

The horror. The utter horror. I did drop the phone then. How? When? How? I could hear Phichit’s voice still talking through my phone on the floor. It barely registered.

I scrambled to pick up the phone. “I’ve got to go, Phichit,” I managed to say before I ran out of the dance studio.

***

Yuko was livid at her daughters. Axel, Lutz, and Loop were her pre-teen triplets and always getting into mischief. Unbeknownst to us, they had been at the rink that day when I skated Victor’s routine. Apparently, they had recorded my session and uploaded it online. As much as I wanted to kill them, it looked like Yuko had that covered.

“I’m so sorry!” She apologized for about the twentieth time, though her daughters didn’t seem contrite in the least.

I groaned and sank down on the nearest bench. I really had no words. I might as well have skated naked. How was I going to recover from this? The worst part was knowing that he had most likely seen it. Victor. I had the audacity to try to skate his winning routine. I couldn’t even begin to imagine his reaction, and every time I thought about it the pit in my stomach grew.

There was no way I could ever show my face in figure skating again.

***

I hoped that the attention my video had garnered would fade, and that people would forget all about it. Just the opposite. After a week, the video had reached almost a hundred thousand views. My mom kept track of each new milestone. She didn’t know too much about the skating world at all, and why my presumption of skating Victor’s routine was causing such a stir. I don’t even think she really knew who Victor was. She just knew I skated, thought I was the best skater in the world, and didn’t want to be bothered with my fellow competitors.

As I came in for dinner that night she said, “Yuri, you’ve passed one-hundred thousand views this afternoon. I’m so proud! And now people are starting to show up because of your wonderful skating!”

“Huh?” I stopped at that. “What are you talking about Mom?” If there were people around I wanted to be as far away as possible.

“Oh yes! A young man came here asking about you today. Why, he’s the most good looking man I’ve ever seen. He said he’s an ice skater too. So charming and sweet.”

No. No, no, no, no, no. Frozen on the spot I stared at my mother. “Please, Mom, tell me he’s not still here.”

“But of course he’s still here,” she tsked. “I wasn’t going to send him away. He said he came all the way from Russia to see you. Can you believe it? From Russia! I let him soak in the hot spring while he waited.”

Victor, here? Maybe there was another good-looking Russian that had wanted to see me. That was possible, right? Although part of me wanted to hide away and never come out, at the same time I had to see if it was really him.

I ran down the hall, across the courtyard, and rushed past the changing rooms. There weren’t any other patrons around. When I reached the soaking area I stopped dead in my tracks. There he was. Sitting serenely with his eyes closed in the steamy water. Like a mirage.

It really was him. That hair, falling slightly to one side over his eyes like before. That beautiful face. I just stood there, gaping.

“Victor?” I whispered.

He opened his eyes and looked right at me. “Yuri, I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been waiting all day. Not that I mind. These hot springs of yours are amazing.” He stood up and came over to me. Oh. Wow. Absolutely a Greek god. His naked body glistened in the steam. He was completely unselfconscious as he stood naked in front of me smiling. 

He winked. “I’ve decided to be your new coach, and help you get to the Grand Prix Final. And this time, you’re going to win!”

***

I must have died during one of Minako’s grueling workout sessions. That’s all I could think as I sat across from Victor watching him eat the many dishes my mother had laid out in front of him. He seemed to have a voracious appetite. Minako sat next to me. She had heard the news and came over with lightning fast speed.

We couldn’t speak. I don’t think I blinked. I thought if I did, Victor would disappear. Victor finally stopped eating. “I’m so full. This is the most amazing food I’ve had.” He beamed at my mom, who practically melted on the spot.

“I’m so glad you like it. These are Yuri’s favorite dishes too.” Victor turned an appraising eye on me.

Minako chimed in, “Yes, though because he gains weight so easily he’s only allowed to eat them after he wins, as his reward.” I turned a sharp look on her, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“So, how did you gain all this weight?” Victor leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and looked at me, grinning mischievously. “You haven’t won anything this season. Looks like you’ve had plenty of your favorite dishes anyway.” He scrunched his nose at me, “Though, you are an adorable little piggy.”

Heat rushed to my face. Okay, so not only had I dared to skate Victor’s routine, and he had seen it and traveled all this way to meet me, he was now calling me out on my weight. I folded my arms in front of me, trying to hide myself. I really wanted to run into my room and never ever come out.

“Don’t worry, Yuri,” his eyes softened, and he tapped me on the nose. “Nothing we can’t fix.”

What was going on? I felt all gooey inside at his simple remark. My feelings were such a tumult, back and forth from awed that he was here, to feeling humiliated, to all charmed and swooney.

My dad came in and smiled at Victor. “Alrighty young man, we have a room all ready for you. Come on Yuri, help me with Victor’s boxes.” We all joined him at the front of the house where I was met with another surprise. Boxes had completely filled up our entire front room.

“Are these all yours?” I turned to Victor.

“Of course,” he said laughing. “I’m going to be staying here with you after all.”

Minako and I gaped back at him. “Say what now?” 

Everyone but Victor grabbed some boxes and headed back to a storage room my dad had cleared out for him, since the few rooms we had at the inn were already full.

“What a quaint little room!” He whirled around like a little kid. “I love how adorable everything in Japan is.”

“I’m sorry it’s so small,” my mom told him.

Victor winked at her. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it work.” 

He then directed us where to put everything. I tried not to think about it as I moved all the boxes into his new room. It was just too surreal. After a few hours I was the only one left unpacking, but the room started to look more livable.

“Well, I think that’s everything” I said after emptying the last box. I sat back on my knees and wiped at my forehead. I tried not to think about the fact that this room was just across the hall from my bedroom. Victor Nikiforov, my skating idol, and possibly the sexiest man alive, sleeping so close was something that was just too much to process. Suddenly, Victor was kneeling down in front of me.

“I think that’s the most I’ve heard you say to me all day,” he chuckled. “Listen Yuri, I know you’re a fan of mine, but I don’t want you to feel you can’t talk to me. If I’m going to be your coach we need to have a relationship built on trust, don’t you think?” 

I turned away. I wasn’t a fan. I mean, I guess I was in his eyes. But it was so much more than that. His skating had pulled me through all these years to deeper levels of my own love of skating. That went so much deeper than just being a mere fan. Not that I would ever let him know that. Let him think I was just a fan. That was all he needed to know. More than enough.

He put a finger under my chin and turned me to face him. He looked intently at me and lowered his voice. “Yuri, I want to know everything about you.”

I swallowed, and I could feel my pulse quicken. Did he know how seductive he was? What affect he had on people? On me?

He moved even nearer. “Where do you train? What music do you like? What do you like to do with your friends?” He ran his other hand lightly on mine and quirked a smile at me, eyes twinkling. “Is there someone special in your life, a girl perhaps?”

Okay, that was just too much. I scooted away and laughed awkwardly. “Um, my life isn’t too interesting.” 

“Oh, I doubt that very much.” He sat back, still looking at me.

I didn’t really know what else to say, other than, “Well, I h-hope you sleep well.” I then practically ran into my room.

His nearness. His attempt to tease out of me my inner thoughts. Oh, he was good. As amazing as he was, that was not going to happen. It was bad enough he knew what he did about me. I didn’t want any more of my weaknesses exposed. 

It was easy to look up to him when he was a distant figure. But being in his presence was completely different. I had completely new feelings come up. And new thoughts with them. Remembering his touch brought the heat back to my face. Oh, I could not feel like this for him. It was bad enough I could barely speak to him.

I lay in bed and replayed the last several hours. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep at all tonight. And there was no way that Victor could in reality be my coach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	4. Chapter 4

“So this is really happening, huh?” Takeshi came over and draped his arm around my shoulders as we watched Victor practice. It had been a week since Victor came to Hasetsu. “Must be a dream come true.”

“I’m still in shock,” I told him. “But we haven’t started any coaching yet. I’ve got to get in shape first.”

“But you are in shape,” he looked at me surprised. “I mean, you’ve been working out non-stop for almost two months. How much more in shape does he expect you to get?”

I sighed. Victor wouldn’t start training me until I was up to _his_ standards of fitness. “Those love handles are adorable on you, but a gold-winning skater doesn’t have them,” he had teased. 

He had seen the workout routine I had been doing with Minako, and though impressed, it wasn’t enough. He had shown her ways to up the ante, and now the workout was brutal. Minako was so grateful to have Victor’s help she took all his tips as gospel. She had even added some more difficulty to the regimen on her own, which made Victor very proud. 

In the afternoons Victor joined me in my daily runs, though he was more into the sights of the island than working out. He had me take pictures of him everywhere we went. His favorite place was Hasetsu Castle, which was really just a ninja house with a fancy facade. At the word “ninja” though, his excitement went into overdrive and he took about a million selfies. 

Each night after dinner Victor pestered me with questions, continuing his quest to know my deepest secrets. The questioning continued all evening, until I closed myself in my room for the night. I had since removed everything in my room that even so much as referenced a competition Victor had skated in, as he was prone to barge in first thing in the morning to get me up for training at Minako’s.

Within that first week the press had shown up as well, and now our inn was bustling night and day. Victor was more than happy to give interviews about his plans as my coach. 

“I’m really excited to be working with Yuri,” he said at one press conference. “I’m going to really focus on giving him the type of programs that can maximize his potential. Yuri has a great career ahead of him.” I was surprised to hear him say that about me. Of course, so was everyone else.

“Don’t you think this will hurt your own skating career, taking a year off to coach?” My thoughts exactly. Reporters were just as puzzled as I was as to why he had decided to become my coach. 

Victor’s own coach, Yakov, was livid, and in his own press conference didn’t mince words. “This break is extremely ill-advised. Victor is already 27, and he needs to take advantage of this before he can’t any longer. He belongs on the ice himself, not playing at being a coach to someone unworthy of his talents. If he doesn’t return to the ice this season, he will never be able to make a come back from this time away.”

No one bothered to ask me what I thought, but that was fine by me. Most assumed I just was a charity case for Victor, or a whim. But, no matter what people thought, Victor saw something in me. What it was I had no idea, but I didn’t want to let him down, or make him regret coming here. 

Every day after my morning workout with Minako, I went to the rink to watch Victor skate. He truly was a master. I could tell he was experimenting with different step combinations. He had been his own choreographer for the past three years, and each year his routines surpassed everyone’s expectations. 

Even more than his choreography, he executed his jumps with ease. He was strong, and in total control of his body. It was a fine-tuned machine, able to do whatever he commanded of it. He was magnificent on the ice. And off the ice he was totally relaxed and at ease in his body. Completely opposite of how I felt in mine. 

So, I continued to train. It was the only thing I could focus on in the midst of the circus that had descended on Hasetsu.

***

Victor walked around me, looking me over. I was aware of his eyes evaluating every inch of me. Even though we had done this every week for the past three weeks it wasn’t getting any easier. The first time I was completely mortified. “I need you to take off your clothes so I can see what I’m working with.”

“What?” I tried keeping my shirt on as Victor stripped me down. Before I knew it he had me naked except my underwear, and was walking around me only muttering “Hm. Hm.” 

Now, although I had been working my ass off, I was worried my body was still stubbornly hanging onto the weight. He ran his hands lightly over my back, my arms, my chest, leaving chills in their wake. My body always reacted this way to him, but he never seemed to notice.

“Impressive,” he stated finally. 

“Really?” 

Chuckling, Victor brought me over to stand in front of a mirror. “That workout never fails. And I must say that Minako’s additions cut some muscles in places I hadn’t expected. You are quite stunning.” 

I gaped at myself in the mirror. Even at my fittest I didn’t really like looking at myself. My body had always been something I struggled to control. But looking in the mirror now a completely different person stared back at me. I had never seen this person before. Leaner than I had ever seen myself. More than toned. Sculpted. My body was starting to rival Victor’s amazing physique.

“I can’t believe it,” I gasped. 

“I told you I would make you into a completely new skater. Now you truly have an athlete’s body.” His eyes roved over me in the mirror. Lingering. Savoring. I felt myself get hot and self-conscious again. 

I went to put my clothes back on quickly. Victor looked at me thoughtfully, tapping his finger on his mouth. “Now it’s time to put that body to use…” I blushed even hotter, “on the ice,” he finished.

As we left the locker room there was quite a commotion coming from the rink. There were tons of reporters, and most of the town there as well it seemed. And in the middle of the ice a beautiful skater was smoothly skating, warming up. The figure then flew into the air in a high, perfectly landed quadruple salchow, and my heart stopped. That was no ordinary figure on the ice. It was Yuri Plisetsky. 

“Hey, Yuri’s here!” Victor called out to him and joined him on the ice. Yuri turned and then skated full speed to Victor. Whoa. He was pissed. He stopped just short of hitting Victor.

“How dare you leave me!” he shouted up at Victor. He then unleashed a flurry of words in Russian. No one could understand what he said, but we all could tell their meaning. 

Yuko came up beside me. “Oh my, I can’t believe how he’s speaking to Victor,” she stared on in fascination.

The same fascination I had. I would have never dared to speak to Victor like that, but Victor was just smiling down at Yuri. It didn’t seem to phase him. Victor then motioned to me and I froze. Yuri’s face found mine and his look burned a hole in my head. Oh no, I did not want to be in his sights. They say if looks could kill… yeah, I was a goner.

He came right at me, shoving a finger right in my face. “You! You stole Victor away from me! What did you do to him? He would have never left me for a loser like you! What did you do?” More Russian swear words. Man, this kid was unbelievable. Last year he had won the Junior Worlds at fifteen, and advanced to the Senior devision a year early. He was a force of nature.

Victor came up behind him. “Looks like we have ourselves a bit of problem.”

“What do you mean _we_?” Yuri spat at Victor. “This is all _your_ fault! You’re the one who can’t seem to stay away from losers. You promised me that you would be my coach and choreograph my program for my Senior debut.”

“So it seems,” Victor said nonchalantly. “But you know how I forget things.”

“Yes. Painfully aware,” Yuri seethed. 

I was taken aback. If Victor treated his promises so lightly, then could I count on him to stick with his commitment to me, especially if he had already agreed to coach Yuri? 

“I think I know the perfect way to decide this,” he declared. His eyes held that mischievous sparkle that often spelled something crazy to follow. “I’ll choreograph each of your short programs and we’ll have a contest. Whoever wins, I’ll coach!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	5. Chapter 5

Well, this was not how I had expected my first lesson with Victor to go. I had gotten used to the attention being focused solely on me. As much as I felt like a bug under a microscope training with Victor, I could tell he was a hundred percent focused on me and what I needed to improve. 

Now his attention was being forever pulled by Yurio. Minako had insisted that it was too confusing to have two Yuris and gave our little Russian Punk the nickname. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t hide my delight at that. Victor instantly loved the nickname and had been using it like an endearment with Yurio, which only served to enrage him more. It was like poking a hornet’s nest, though Victor seemed completely immune to Yurio’s tantrums.

I sighed. Yurio had also moved into the hot springs, not wanting me to have a moment extra with Victor, even off the ice. My parents thought Yurio was adorable though, paying no mind to his brooding and temper one bit. 

“Why is Yuri’s room bigger than mine?” he demanded when my dad cleared out yet another small storage room. Most of our own storage belongings were now strewn around the house in various places, including my room. 

“No fair! He got more food than me!” 

“Hey, don’t leave for the skating rink without me!”

Oy vey. 

Today, Victor was taking us through a few drills he used to improve his footwork. Yurio was constantly badgering him for extra tips and showing off his skills. Having come from the same coach back in Russia they fell into the same training routines during warm up, and even shared a few inside jokes in Russian. Every time that happened, Yurio threw a little smirk my way. 

“This is so pointless,” he sighed loudly to Victor, showing his apparent boredom after running one particularly intricate drill. “I’m going to win, and you’ll be my coach back in Russia. I should be doing real training, not wasting time with this loser.”

Victor quirked an eyebrow at him. “I think it’s time we get down to business then.” 

He went over and grabbed the stereo’s remote, “Let’s listen to the music. I’m very excited about this. Once I heard this song I knew just what I would do. I’ve choreographed two different routines for you, but to the same song!” He seemed so pleased with the dumbest idea I had ever heard.

“What?” Both Yurio and I made our objections to Victor.

“Now boys, don’t worry. This song has two arrangements, with two very different styles. I was having a hard time choosing which one I was going to perform this season, and now I don’t have to choose. It’s perfect for this contest between my Yuris.” He clapped his hands together, delighted. “Here, I’ll show you.”

He played the first arrangement. It felt very innocent. Ethereal. Like you were surrounded by angels. Absolutely lovely. Beautiful. This was my kind of music. I could almost feel myself moving to it while we listened. I could feel it course through my veins, stirring something deep. The song ended. I felt uplifted.

“Have either of you ever thought much on love?” Victor’s tone turned a bit more serious.

Yurio rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Love, that’s so cheesy.”

Victor shot back at him, “Love is never cheesy.” His eyes seemed sad, contemplative. I wondered what experiences Victor had had to give him that look. Was his heart ever broken? 

“This arrangement is titled Love: Agape. It means unconditional love. Like God’s love, or a parent’s love for their child. Pure love.”

“Well, I think this song sucks,” Yurio scowled. “Play me something I can really skate to.”

Victor smiled knowingly. He turned the music on again. Yurio’s eyes lit up. Mine grew wide. It was like a completely different song. It was sensual. Sexy. Hot. It made my mind race with thoughts I should not be having. I couldn’t look at Victor. When I dared a glance in his direction his eyes had fire in them, and they were looking at me. I quickly looked down, heat coursing through my entire body. 

“Now that’s more like it!” Yurio exclaimed. He then shot me a challenging look. “This song is made for someone who actually knows how to make the most of it.”

Victor laughed. “This song is titled Love: Eros. It’s all about sexual love.” He leveled a look on Yurio, “What do you know about sexual love?” 

“A lot more than you think!” he shot back, but his cheeks did turn red. 

“Hmpf,” Victor turned away. “Well, regardless, I can see which song you each would rather skate to. And your choices make sense. They do play to each of your strengths.” He turned back to us. “But this contest is about pushing your limits, so Yurio, you will be skating to Agape, and Yuri you’ll skate to Eros.”

Yurio erupted, throwing insults at Victor. But I was mortified. Yurio may be young, but with his confidence and his attitude he could pull off Eros. But me? I was 23, and knew next to nothing about sex. I only had one girlfriend years ago, but we weren’t together long. I really never felt like myself when we were together, and so I ended up spending more time on the ice than with her. I was glad when it ended. But the relationship never got intimate. That just wasn’t something I could do when being together was so awkward in the first place. 

After that, I pretty much avoided dating. And sex, well… I never felt comfortable opening myself up like that. How could I perform a routine to Eros when I could barely find that sexual part of myself, much less parade it in front of an audience?

“Alright, let me show you your routines.” Victor was teeming with excitement when he entered the ice. 

As he skated to Agape, Yurio was completely focused. I could tell that despite his complaints he wasn’t about to throw away a routine choreographed by Victor. The routine was complex, though Victor skated it with ease and grace. It really did encompass the feeling of agape. It was like watching an angel skate, or a master painter creating a masterpiece, seeing Victor on the ice. He was beautiful. His artistry came through, his love of skating. I realized how really lucky I was to have him here, taking the time to teach me, even if Yurio was here as well. My heart swelled with gratitude.

After Victor finished he looked over to Yurio. “So, something like that. What do you think?” 

Yurio mumbled a vague compliment. He appeared like he didn’t want to admit how amazing the routine was. Looking in his eyes though I could see that he was a bit overwhelmed by the task set in front of him.

“Okay Yuri, you’re next. Pay close attention,” Victor called to me.

I focused as he started the Eros routine. This was a routine Victor had choreographed especially for me, and I wasn’t about to waste it. As he skated, eros practically oozed out of every move, it was so sensual. Watching Victor move that way on the ice I felt heat course through my entire body, especially my groin. Shit. It was like sex on ice. He moved in a way that showed an expert lover, seducing everyone who watched. I died on the spot. I knew there was no way I could ever perform that routine! I couldn’t pull off being that sexy, much less act like that in front of an entire audience. 

Victor skated up to me, “Well, Yuri, what do you think?” 

I couldn’t meet his eyes, “Uh, well, it was very… eros.”

He smiled knowingly, “Yes, I thought so. Now, looking at the composition of elements, which quads can you land.”

Ugh. Did I have to say this outloud? Everyone saw me miss practically all of my jumps at last year’s Grand Prix. I sighed, “I can land the salchow and toe-loop in practice, but I’ve never landed a salchow in competition.”

He nodded. “I want you to practice your fundamentals for now, then. I’ll work with Yurio first.” My shoulders sagged.

Victor continued, “How many times have you choked during competition, Yuri? You’ve shown you have the skill to win, so why can’t you?” he looked at me pointedly.

“Well… it’s probably because…” I turned away and looked down at the ice, anywhere but at him. I said quietly, “I really don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to competitions.”

“Yes, I see that. What I want to do is help you gain that confidence, and embrace it. That will be my job.” I looked up at him. Could Victor really help me gain the confidence I so desperately needed, yet found so elusive? I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Hope.

Then, Victor skated closer to me and grabbed me gently by the chin. He ran his thumb over my lips. My heart started galloping as I started now feeling other things too. He leaned in close, but I looked away from his gaze.

“Yuri, look at me,” his breath was on my face and I looked up to him wide-eyed, completely transfixed, like prey. “No one knows your true eros, not even you I think. But I know it’s there, smoldering deep down inside you, waiting for it’s chance to come out. Unleash it, Yuri. Unleash the eros within you. Can you show it to me? Can you do that?”

He looked at me a moment longer, then Yurio yelled at him. “Hey stop talking with that loser. You’re supposed to be teaching me first!”

“Da!” Victor answered, then turned to me one last time. “I’m serious, Yuri. While you practice I want you to think about what eros really means to you.” And with that he skated away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	6. Chapter 6

It was no use. It seemed the more I thought about what eros was to me, the only thing I could think of was how everything in me was completely opposite of eros. Victor was eros, not me. He was sexy, and charming, and seductive, and magnetic. I tried thinking of myself as the playboy, fighting off women who flocked to me like bees to honey, but it was hard to imagine. 

I even asked Yuko and Minako what they thought made a guy sexy. Of course, they both described Victor to a tee, even though they never outright said his name. 

Takeshi laughed heartily when he heard me talk about trying to play the lover in my routine. “You’ve never even had a girlfriend for more than a few weeks!”

Training with Yurio didn’t help either. Every practice I watched him land jump after jump. His quad salchows were amazing.

“I don’t know why you even bother,” he murmured to me after a practice where I hadn’t landed a single jump. “You’re really quite pathetic. If I skated as bad as you I’d jump off a bridge. You give skating a bad name.”

Victor had missed that exchange, and only shook his head with a look of disappointment after practice. He was probably wondering why he saw any promise in me to begin with. 

After he and Yurio left the rink, I stayed to get in some more practice and clear my head. I didn’t want to think any more about eros. Instead, I decided to just focus on step drills and spin sequences. Those I could do without worry at all, and were almost as natural as breathing. 

After a couple hours of them, I thought I’d give some more jumps a try. I was tired, but not as much as I expected. My muscles really loved moving, becoming energized the more I moved. With my new workout regimen my appetite had grown. I was consuming more calories to maintain my muscle mass, while all of the cardio from skating and running kept me quite trim. I was learning the balance between the two, and found I had more endurance than before. 

I actually landed a quad toe-loop, and did a triple-triple combination fairly easily as well. Man, if only Yurio could see that. That would shut him up. And Victor. Ah, if Victor had seen those jumps in practice he wouldn’t feel like training me was a complete waste of time.

That evening in bed before I fell to sleep, I thought about my afternoon. Skaters can get higher base values on their jumps if they performed them later in their routines. Could I handle that? I’d have to really up my stamina, and get stronger than I had ever been before. Minako could help with that. Seeing the type of workouts that Victor created had made her a maniac when it came to coming up with new exercises to torture muscles out of me. And there were places all over the town that were great for pushing my cardio. Why, the steps over by Hasatsu Castle were nothing but an endless uphill sprint. I think I would start there.

***

“Where’s Yuri?” I heard Victor ask my mom as I came in from my stair run that afternoon. 

It had been a week since I decided to level up my fitness and my legs were like rubber. It was a risk to try to take my fitness this direction at this stage in training. The contest was only a few weeks away, and I knew it would be about another week before I my body would really get used to the new regime. 

“Oh, he’s been out training,” my mom told him. “He works so hard, especially when he’s really invested in something he wants. Now, he’s been training more than ever. He’s either at Minako’s or at the ice rink, or running those ridiculous stairs again.”

“Really?” Victor asked.

I stopped just outside the room when I heard my mom tell Victor, “He really looks up to you, you know, and he doesn’t want to fail you. Yuri’s not used to people seeing his value. He has so much love for skating, which is why I think it hurts him so much when he doesn’t do well.”

Victor didn’t say anything for a moment. I turned to go to my room when he replied. “Yes, Yuri does have so much to give, but I worry I won’t be able to help him. Yurio has almost too much confidence. His is wild, and needs to be tamed. I wish I could give some of Yurio’s over-confidence to Yuri.”

“Well, that’s a nice thought, but Yuri has a lot more confidence than you think,” my mother said, a bit sharper. “His confidence isn’t bravado or worn on the outside though, it’s inside deep. He may get flustered on the surface, but he has more skill and talent than most people ever give him credit for. Don’t write him off. If you take the time to really look and see him, you’ll find more than meets the eye. And I promise you this, Victor from Russia — you will find your time rewarded more than you can ever imagine when you let Yuri just be himself.”

Victor didn’t say anything more. I could feel tears stinging my ears. But not from embarrassment or fear. I had no idea my mother saw that in me, in my skating. It’s everything I felt. I knew people saw only one thing in me, my mistakes, instead of the skating that was deep inside me. I just wanted to show the world how much I loved it. 

I loved my mother too, for her quick defense of me to my idol. She saw me. I knew that people like Minako, Yuko, and even Takeshi saw me like that too. They always helped me to improve, and never chided or discouraged me for trying, even when I failed miserably. My love for my family and friends grew as I stood in the hallway. Even though I was dog-tired, I knew that I could get through these next few weeks. I could do it for them.

***

“That was a good practice today, Yuri,” Victor patted me on the back as I left the ice. My jumps in front of him were improving. I was landing all of my triples, including my triple combos, and finally landed a quad at the end. “But I’m still not seeing any eros from you yet.” He looked at me pointedly. “Have you been considering it at all?”

I couldn’t look him in the eye. I had been so focused on the technical aspects of the routine, that I had completely ignored the eros part altogether. It was easier that way. I knew I had control over improving my skills. But changing myself to be sexier? It just wasn’t happening.

“You can tell me about some of the girls you like. Do you have feelings for Minako?” Victor asked. His eyebrows waggled at me.

“No!” I said quickly. “It’s not like that at all!” Ew, I couldn’t even imagine that in the slightest. 

“Do you have a girlfriend now?”

“No.”

“Any past lovers?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I said, trying to divert away from this topic. I didn’t have any, and there was no way I was going to admit that to Mr. Sex God himself.

“We can talk about my lovers then,” he enthused. “My first lover was —”

“Stop!” I yelled. The last thing I wanted to hear about was any of Victor’s lovers. I’m sure there had been plenty, but I didn’t want to know any of the details.

Victor sighed and turned away. We walked out of the rink and made our way through town. Along the way I watched girls flock around Victor for autographs and selfies. He flirted with them and they flirted back. He even got a few propositions, which he answered with teasing, but open-ended innuendos. 

God, I couldn’t believe what was happening before my eyes. No one payed any attention to me at all, even girls I had grown up with. How could I even think I had any eros? A girl glanced my way and I smiled at her, hoping it was partially sexy, but she turned away. It was like she saw through me.

I decided to leave Victor to his admirers and went to Minako’s studio. She was closing up, but saw me shuffling up the walkway. “Ah, rough day?” she asked knowingly.

“Not so bad until I ran into Victor’s fan club in town. I left him surrounded by women,” I groused.

“You sound a bit jealous,” she said. 

“Yeah, I guess. I just wish I could be as cool and confident as he is.”

“Oh, no dear, I wasn’t saying you were jealous of Victor. I think you’re jealous of the women.”

I startled. “No, what? No. I mean, he’s amazing, and a great coach, and I wish I could be more like him, and…”

Minako eyed me. “Oh, boy, you’ve got it bad, don’t you?”

“Who’s got what bad?” said Axel, one of Yuko’s triplets who came out of the studio behind Minako. The other two followed close behind. I turned beet red. 

“Nothing,” I told her quickly.

“We were just talking about Yuri’s practice with Victor,” Minako said, quirking a grin. “Yuri’s complaining about how all the girls in town are hogging him.” 

I glared at her. She looked innocently back as if to say, _What?_

“Yuri, why are you blushing?” Loop asked me.

“Yes, Yuri, why _are_ you blushing?” Minako was having fun with her new discovery.

“Victor always has girls following him around town. Why would that make you mad?” Axel looked confused. My face was hotter than hot. Loop looked at me intently, when suddenly her eyes brightened.

“Oh my God! Yuri likes Victor!” she squealed in delight. The other girls looked at me and started clapping and squealing with their sister.

I shook my head and started to protest, “No, it’s not like that! Victor is an amazing skater and coach, and I admire him, that’s it.” But my face turned so red that they weren’t buying any of it. 

“You do, you do like Victor!” Loop shouted again. 

“Yuri loves Victor! Yuri loves Victor!” they all said in a sing-song voice, laughing with delight. Then suddenly they stopped and looked beyond me, giggling amongst themselves.

Hoping beyond hope that there was no one behind me I turned slowly. Of course, there was Victor, with a look of shocked amusement on his beautiful face. And Yurio standing right next to him, with a wicked gleam in his eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out this [amazing art](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/post/179180124254/here-is-a-great-commission-piece-gothik-ichigo) for the ending scene! Thanks to the artist [@gothik-ichigo!](http://gothik-ichigo.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	7. Chapter 7

Practice the next day was horrible. I couldn’t land any jumps. And, if Victor so much as looked my way, I would trip on even the simplest steps.

“I noticed you seem to mess up when there’s something on your mind, Yuri. Care to share?” Victor asked after my fifth failed attempt at a quad salchow. 

Nope. No way on God’s green earth. Finally, I decided I’d had enough torture for the day, and practically ran off the ice and out of the rink. 

“Where are you going, Yuri?” Victor called after me. I knew I shouldn’t leave practice early, but I needed to get away from there. From him.

I thought about going to Minako’s, but after yesterday… I loved her, but sometimes she was such a meddler. I couldn’t believe she would do that to me. Let me be so humiliated in front of Victor like that. But it wasn’t just that she and the girls had blurted out to Victor that I had feelings for him. It was the fact that it might be true. _Don’t even go there,_ I told myself over and over. It wasn’t like that. Couldn’t be like that. I mean, sure, he was a skating god, and beneath the sexy exterior had such boyish charm, and when he smiled at me or brushed a hand on my arm… _Stop it! Stop it now._

Time for a run. A very long run.

***

When I finally made it home late that night I was glad to see all the lights were out. Good, I didn’t want to risk seeing anyone. I pulled off my shoes and made my way quietly down the hall.

“Where have you been, pig?”

I couldn’t see him in the darkness, but I knew exactly who spoke. Yurio. Shit.

“I think I need to keep a better eye on you,” he continued, his voice icy. “I should have known, though, that you were after him.”

I was so beyond dead. Yurio would never let me live this down. I had no idea what to say to him. If I tried to deny it, he would tell I was lying.

“Yurio, I’m tired. Just go away.” I said, trying my best to sound casual as I continued to my room. 

He slammed his arm out in front of me, blocking my way. 

“He thinks you’re a pathetic loser, you know. He can see that you aren’t worth his time. Drop out of the contest, and just let him go back to Russia.” He then smirked. “There’s no way that Victor would even think that way about you, anyway. You aren’t even in his league. You’ll never be. Eros? Ha. What a joke.” And with that he spun on his heels and left.

***

Yurio’s insults became more vicious than ever. “You are such a fat pig,” he’d comment after a large lunch. Of course I needed the calories to keep up with my energy. My body had a harder and harder time keeping weight on now that it was so strong. “Idiot, you over-rotated on that jump,” after I stumbled out of a quad salchow. “I see you oogling Victor again. Keep away from him you creep.” 

I tried my best to avoid him, but seeing as he was staying in my house, and practicing at my rink, I couldn’t catch a break. 

Victor could tell I was avoiding him as well, and was always asking me what was wrong. Shouldn’t it be obvious to him, my utter humiliation at the girls’ declaration? Of course, perhaps to Victor, declarations like that were a dime a dozen. 

I tried to push all thoughts about him completely out of my mind. But when he’d wink at me after dinner, or put his hand on my back during practice to talk to me about a technique, my brain became complete mush. _Yurio’s right, you are not in his league. He’s your coach. He doesn’t feel that way about you. That’s how he acts with everyone._

I was feeling trapped again, with no where to turn in my little town. I searched for the remotest places to workout, to escape. I would work myself to exhaustion, with most workouts ending in tears. I was mad, and hurt, and frustrated. How had my dream of working with Victor turned into such a nightmare?

***

Early this morning I met a surprise at the top of the castle stairs, my go-to instead of Minako’s these days. 

“Takeshi?” I asked, taken aback. 

He looked at me solemnly, but handed me some water. I drank the water and tried to ignore his gaze. He heaved a sigh and motioned for me to follow him inside the dojo. I hadn’t spent much time inside the actual ninja house. It was smaller than it looked from the outside, with a few rusty weapons hanging on the walls and the smell of incense in the air, even though none was burning. Takeshi sat down in the middle of the floor and handed me some food he pulled out of a bag he had brought. I sat and ate in silence for a few minutes.

“Listen Yuri, I don’t know how else to say this…” He paused for a moment before continuing.

I smiled a bit, “Takeshi, you always just say whatever you think. When have you ever hesitated with me before?”

He chucked, then said, “You’re right. So here it is. You’re being a coward.” 

I smiled ruefully. He was completely right of course, but only Takeshi could tell me something like that without making me feel worse than I already was feeling. "Yeah,” I sighed back at him, “I know.”

“Well, it’s pissing me off, seeing you act this way. Especially because you have no reason to run away and hide from everyone. I mean, you got _Victor Nikiforov_ to come to Hasetsu to train you, for crying out loud. _Hasetsu!_ Who comes to Hasetsu? And the only reason that little snot Yurio came is because he sees you as a threat. Don’t you see that?” His voice was sharp and full of exasperation.

I sighed again and leaned my head back. I knew what he said was right, but it was so hard to feel it. “Everyone just expects so much, sometimes I just wish everyone would leave me alone,” I shot back to him, my temper rising.

“Why on earth would you wish that?” he said, just as angrily. “You’re amazing, and the embodiment of everything people on this island wish they could be. They look up to you because you give them something to look up to. You work your ass off, you’ve inspired a world champion to come be your coach, and now they feel like they can root for something worth rooting for. For you.”

“That’s too much pressure!” I could feel hot tears come to my eyes. “I don’t want anyone to look to me like that. What if I fail them like I did at the Grand Prix? We all know how that went. I’m just a big disappointment.” I felt a few tears run down my face. 

“You’re an idiot sometimes, you know that Yuri?” 

I took my glasses off and wiped my tears, glaring at him.

Takeshi chucked back. He grabbed my arm and stood us up. “You will only disappoint everyone when you stop trying.” He pulled me into a big bear hug, “And that’s just not you, you stubborn ass.”

I sighed, then laughed softly at that. Takeshi pulled away and gripped me by the shoulders. “Now, let’s go show that Russian Punk what determination and guts look like. You want to build your endurance? Come on, I’ll show you some _real_ stairs.”

***

I felt better after my talk with Takeshi, until I reached the hot springs that evening. He came home with me to make sure I wasn’t going to avoid Victor and Yurio anymore, then strode inside while I paused in the front room. He knew I would come in eventually. Everyone was seated and eating when I joined him. 

As soon as Yurio saw me he said, “Ah, man, I was really starting to enjoy my dinners here at the hot springs, but now I think I’ve lost my appetite.” 

I looked over to Takeshi, but he continued eating as if Yurio had said no more than hello to me. Despite his rare “pep talk” today, he didn’t like to get involved. I didn’t want him trying to stick up to Yurio for me anyway. Takeshi knew I could take care of myself. I just needed a reminder. And Yurio’s comment gave me back some fire.

“Well that’s good,” I looked straight at Yurio. “Because I’m starving. More for me.”

Victor looked up at me with a spark of happy surprise in his eyes. Yurio scowled and pushed his bowl away loudly, then left. I sat next to Takeshi, who acted as if nothing had happened. One glance at him though and I could see in his eyes he had accomplished what he set out to do that morning. I was out of my funk, and would be able to move forward just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	8. Chapter 8

I returned to my regular morning routine at Minako’s. She only quirked an eyebrow at me and said, “Finished pouting?” that first morning back. But she was impressed with my stamina. Takeshi had been taking me all over the island to work out. I think he was more determined than I was to have me at my peak fitness after seeing how Yurio acted around me. 

My sessions with Victor were better as well. I had gotten over my embarrassment. Mostly. But I still felt a bit in awe around him. I could see his genius in every step, every jump. He seemed to have perfected every minute way to move his body, and knew just how to tweak the technique of his choreography to fit how I moved. 

The contest was getting closer. My routine was pretty solid, but I still was no closer to feeling my eros. Today, Victor suggested we head down to the beach to talk. I was nervous. Every time he and I had talked in the past, I ended up feeling embarrassed or worse. I wasn’t sure where this talk would go. 

We sat quietly for several minutes just looking out at the waves. They usually soothed me, but my heart was beating so fast I barely noticed them.

“Hmm, this is so peaceful. I love it here,” he started. “It reminds me of Saint Petersburg, with the seagulls always crying in the background. I never thought too much about it — I was always focused on training. But being away from home so much I didn’t realized how much I missed them, until I got here and heard them again.”

I had never heard Victor talk at all about his personal life or his home. Wanting to talk to me about his lovers didn’t count. “Yeah, I guess I probably take them for granted too. I haven’t been in Japan very much since I started competing. Detroit didn’t have seagulls.”

“Did you miss your family?”

“At first. I met Phichit though, and we became really good friends, so that helped. And Minako and Takeshi always tried to make competitions.”

“That’s nice. They really love you.”

“They do,” I could tell that Victor was thinking about something more than skating. “What about you? Were you near your family while training in Russia?”

“Yes. And no,” Victor started running his hand through the sand while he spoke. “My parents knew how much I loved skating, and Yakov saw my talent and ability so I ended up living with him. Even though my family was in the same city, I really didn’t see them at all.”

That was surprising. I couldn’t imagine if my family was in Detroit never seeing them when they were so close. I really leaned on them a lot, especially when things took a turn for the worse last season.

“I haven’t really talked to them in years,” Victor said. Then, he changed the subject. “So Yuri, what is it you need me to be as your coach?”

The question took me off guard. I was just so grateful that he was my coach, I couldn’t imagine asking anything more from him.

“Do you need me to be a father figure?” he didn’t look at me. Just continued to look out to the water.

“No,” I mumbled.

“A brother? Or just a friend?”

“Eh.”

“So you _do_ want me to be your lover,” he said matter-of-factly. “Okay, then. I’ll do my best.”

“What? No!” I stood up and turned to him, “You don’t have to be anything other than yourself. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, was just to be around you. I never imagined you’d ever even notice me, and just having you here teaching me, that’s more than I ever could have dreamed of wanting.” My tone was a bit sharper than I had intended. Victor seemed surprised. 

“Listen,” I continued. I couldn’t look at him, but I had to get this part out in the open. “What the triplets said the other day — they are just girls who think of nothing but people being in love. Though, I suppose I do love you, in a way,” I swallowed and closed my eyes, “because watching you inspired me to be a better skater. And because you took the time to come and train me, when you didn’t even have to bother with someone like me. I’m grateful and have learned so much just in these few weeks with you.” 

Victor didn’t say anything, just looked at me. I took a deep breath, “I may not know too much about eros, and I’m embarrassed, because I’m not that type of guy. But I have thought a lot about love lately, and I guess I just wanted to say that no matter what happens in the contest, I am glad to have had this time training with you.”

I kept my eyes down. I couldn’t believe I said all that to him. _Please say something,_ I pleaded silently in my head. 

Victor stood up and came next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Thank you, Yuri. You know, I won’t let you off easy, and I’ll push you more than you’ve probably ever been pushed. But that’s how I show my love to those I care about. And I know that because you have so much love in your life already, you’ll be able to find your eros as well.” He winked then extended his hand and shook mine. I felt a weight lift off my chest. 

***

Yurio was struggling just as much in finding his agape as I was with my eros. Towards the end of the next day’s practice he and Victor started arguing.

“Perhaps we should go to the temple,” Victor was saying.

“I’m skating the routine just like you showed me. Just tell me what I’m doing wrong!” Yurio yelled back at him. His frustration was palpable.

Victor put his finger to his mouth and took a minute to respond. “Well, your confidence is coming through too much.”

“As far as I can see, you always skate with confidence,” Yurio protested.

“There’s a difference between having confidence in your skills and making that your main drive in the performance. Agape is not about confidence.”

“Then what _is_ it about? Just tell me so I can do it!”

Victor chuckled and shook his head at Yurio, “I can’t explain it to you — it’s a feeling. You just feel it, you know. You have to find that feeling for yourself.” Yurio looked like he wanted to punch Victor.

“So, the temple it is,” Victor ushered Yurio off the rink. “Yuri, you come too.” 

“What? Why do I need to go to the temple? That’s not going to help me find my eros,” I didn’t want to be stuck with Yurio.

“How do you know? Come on, it will be good for you.”

Victor left us both at the temple, with instructions to the monk to have us do our meditations under the waterfalls on the grounds. So, here we were, soaking wet sitting in a pool, water running over our heads to contemplate. Yurio to contemplate his agape, and me to contemplate why Victor had dumped me with Yurio. 

I loved having Victor as my coach. However, sometimes he came up with the most hair-brained schemes, and I wasn’t always sure what their purpose was. I thought about Yurio next to me. For as young as he was, he was a gifted skater. His technical abilities were amazing. Although he was so much younger than me, he really was my competitor on equal ground. 

What did that say about me I wondered. Did I really have what it took to win, to keep Victor as my coach? Did I really deserve Victor? Everyone always underestimated me. I didn’t want to let this opportunity slip away. I couldn’t give up. I had to do everything I could to keep Victor as my coach and prove to everyone I wasn’t just some third-rate skater, wasting Victor’s time.

I looked to Yurio. I figured we had been here long enough, and there was something I needed to ask him. I grabbed Yurio’s arm.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

He didn’t say anything, just seemed lost in thought. I looked closer. His eyes were a bit red. Had he been crying, or was he just cold from the water? 

“Are you alright?” I asked him. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

His shoulders drooped. “Okay, yeah,” he said without any fight or complaint. Whoa, that was different. I’d never seen him be so, so… vulnerable.

Back at the rink Yurio was quiet as he laced up his skates. Victor was nowhere to be found. 

“I wonder where Victor is?” I said.

“Who knows,” Yurio answered quietly. “He likes to hang out at that ramen shop a lot. They say he often drinks there till dawn. Dumbass.”

I looked over to him. Although his words were still a bit sharp, he was definitely mellower than I’d ever seen him. Well, now was probably the best time to ask him.

“Yurio?”

He looked over to me, and for the first time didn’t have a complete look of disdain or disgust. “Yeah?”

I placed my hands together in front of my face and bowed my head down. “Will you show me how to land a quad salchow? Please?” It took everything in me to ask him, but I couldn’t let my pride get in the way of my dream of keeping Victor as my coach. I had to do whatever it took.

Yurio looked surprised, but not angry. It seemed like forever before he answered, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me!


	9. Chapter 9

Everyday I worked with Yurio before our regular practice session with Victor. It was very odd, and I tried not to think too much about this little truce we had during this time.

“Ugh, you really suck,” he sighed angrily when I fell again after my third attempt at a quad salchow that morning. “I’ll show you one more time.”

Although the execution of his jumps was perfect, Yurio wasn’t a very patient teacher. He always made it seem like I was a complete idiot and not worth his time. Yet, the next day he was there in the morning, ready to show me again. I wondered what Victor would say of our secret practice sessions. 

Skating was an interesting world. Although we were all competitors, at the same time we were the only ones who truly understood what each other was going through, which made for a unique type of support system. Mingled with the jealously and competitiveness was appreciation and respect. In the past, Phichit was the only skater I would ever dare ask for help from. And he of course was the complete opposite of Yurio.

“Alright pig, let’s see if you can get it today. And don’t over-rotate!”

Yurio was just about to show me his jump, when Victor opened the doors to the rink. “What’s going on here?” He looked at us with narrowed eyes. 

Yurio and I looked at each other, then skated to opposite ends of the ice to start our warm ups for the day. The less Victor knew about this the better.

***

Hasetsu was becoming abuzz with excitement for our “Hot Springs on Ice” match, as my mother had named it. Everyone in town had embraced Yurio as much as Victor, and posters were showing up around town declaring support for either Yurio or me. Most of the long-term residents were upset that anyone in Hasetsu would even consider supporting an outsider. It was a nice sentiment, but I also didn’t want to just have their support out of default. I really wanted to show I deserved it. 

Most of the girls in town were supporting Yurio. I could understand that completely. He was beautiful, and cool, and confident. Although he was a usually a complete prick to me, he was staunchly defensive of his fans, and wouldn’t let anyone say anything negative about them.

“You girls shouldn’t just support Yurio because he’s a cute Russian boy,” a group of women chided a giggling group of girls passing by with Yurio in their midst, looking miserable.

“Don’t talk to my fans like that!” The women shrieked as Yurio chased them away, yelling in Russian.

Only Yuko’s three girls were on my “team.” They had blue t-shirts printed with TEAM EROS in big, bold letters, and wore them everywhere. You would see pink TEAM AGAPE and blue TEAM EROS shirts all around town. 

Yurio stewed, “Why is my team color pink?” But he wore the pink tiger-printed t-shirt his fans had made for him everywhere.

Victor loved it and was always asking everyone which team they were on. He had a special shirt made with both blue and pink letters saying COACH OF LOVE on it, with both my and Yurio’s faces on the back surrounded by swirly hearts. I rolled my eyes along with Yurio when Victor showed it off at our practice one morning.

“You’re right, Yurio,” I said shaking my head. “Love _is_ cheesy.” 

Yurio laughed, but Victor defended it, “This is the most beautiful shirt I’ve ever owned!”

That day Yurio and I kept bursting into fits of giggles as Victor tried to teach us, all serious and professional.

“Fine,” he sulked. “You don’t like the shirt, I won’t wear it.” He started to take it off, to which both Yurio and I loudly protested. Better a cheesy shirt on Victor than no shirt at all. 

“Alright then, let’s practice,” Victor smirked, victorious.

***

Ever since our time at the temple Yurio was acting different. Skating different. “Looks like Yurio found his agape,” I heard Victor say quietly to himself after watching Yurio’s routine one day. “I think he’s ready for the next stage now.”

Oh no. If Yurio was ready for the next stage, what about me? Was there a next stage for me? 

That damn eros. There was only one week until the competition and I was really starting to panic. 

“Minako, I just don’t have any eros at all,” I moaned to her after this morning’s workout. “Victor will go back to Russia, and then what will I do? I can’t make my comeback without him. I need him!” I sat with my head in my hands on the floor of her dance studio.

“Now, don’t freak out,” she sat next to me. “Of course you have eros.”

“Hpmf. Tell that to TEAM AGAPE. I mean, are there any women in town who wouldn’t rather see Victor perform Eros instead of me?”

“Alright, show me your routine again. And give it all the eros you’ve got.” 

I showed her the beginning of the routine, trying to act like Victor. I felt like an idiot.

“Okay, stop, stop,” Minako said, cringing. “You look like you’re in pain, not ready to bed anyone.”

“I know. I told you!” I slumped back on the floor again. “It’s useless.”

We both sat for a while trying to think of a way to help me get my eros on. 

“Maybe we’re just looking at this the wrong way,” Minako broke the silence. “I mean, we both know you’re not Victor, and probably never will be as sexy as him.”

“Gee thanks. Of course I know that, but you don’t have to say it.” My heart sank. There it was. 

“Now don’t get defensive, big baby,” she narrowed her gaze. “My whole point is that you can only be you, not try to be him. So, we just have to figure out what makes _you_ feel sexy. You’ve never been like other guys, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.”

She was right. I wasn’t like other guys. In school I never really had any guy friends. They were into sports like soccer and basketball, and talked about hot girls they liked. I wasn’t drawn to typical sports, and although I had my crushes through the years, I never was one to talk about them. Before I met Minako, I kept mostly to myself and struggled to fit in. 

Then my parents took me to see the Nutcracker one Christmas. Minako was already rising to celebrity in her own right, and was playing the young heroine Clara. Watching the ballet dancers on stage, twirling and leaping, with Minako in the center of it all, I finally felt at like I had found a place I could feel at home. I begged my parents to let me take ballet lessons, and the next week I was in Minako’s class.

I had found what sports seemed to lack. A form of true expression. With dancing I could let go and move with the music. It was a way for my body to express itself in a way that just seemed as natural as breathing. Trying to be sexy though, that did not feel natural. At least, it wasn’t something I felt confident expressing. If I was being honest with myself, I did feel something smoldering deep inside me as Victor has guessed, but I couldn’t imagine looking any closer at it. It was just too, too…

“It’s just so embarrassing,” I looked to Minako, “thinking about trying to be sexy. I think I would die if I tried being sexy and people just laughed. It’s just not me at all.”

Minako took my hand in hers looked at me, her eyes soft. “We all have parts of ourselves that we keep hidden away, because we are afraid that others will laugh at us.” She placed her other hand on top of mine. “But, sweetie, look at you. Despite that you took ballet, you became a competitive men’s figure skater. You think you’re not confident, but doing those things took guts.”

I shrugged, but I knew Minako was right. Even though I had been teased a lot for being like one of the girls, it didn’t matter. I wanted to move like them, with that grace and fluidity.

“And what? You think dancing isn’t sexy? Why do you think us dancers like to parade around in leotards and tights?” She winked at me. 

I laughed. Yes, I hadn’t ever met a ballerina that wasn’t both beautiful and sexy.

Suddenly, things started to fall into place. I gripped Minako’s hands and pulled her off the floor with me. I finally felt some excitement. 

“Oh! That’s it Minako. I’ve got it. My eros!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me!


	10. Chapter 10

“How’s your routine coming, dear?” my mom asked as she fitted me for my costume, making note of the final adjustments it needed. She had sewn all of Minako’s costumes when she was younger, and they were absolutely beautiful. She never got a chance to do my costumes, as I was in the U.S. and she in Japan. But when Minako and I told her my idea for showing my eros, she couldn’t contain her excitement and got right to work. The costume she created was stunning, and absolutely perfect for my Eros routine.

She had been working day and night on it, and much to Victor’s chagrin, hadn’t let him have even one peek. I told Victor that I had found my eros, but with the help of Minako, convinced him to let me work with her on it until the competition, since he was also going to be the judge.

“Alright,” he gave in begrudgingly. “But that doesn’t mean you get out of any practice sessions with me.” 

Those sessions became more intensive than ever. Victor had me work on my step sequences and jumps over and over. And over. I thought my routine was pretty locked down, but he wanted more than that. He wanted perfection. 

He drilled Yurio on his choreography as well. These last remaining practices left us dripping with sweat and dragging our legs to soak in the hot springs each night.

But my greatest focus was in my practices with Minako. I had decided that my eros wasn’t me trying to be the sexy playboy. Instead, I would be the woman who seduces the playboy. I _was_ like one of the girls, so decided to have Minako teach me how to move with the feline grace of a woman. 

“No, that’s not quite right,” she commented, as I walked through one of my step sequences for her. “The distribution of your weight is all wrong. It needs to be here, lower in your hips.”

She moved across the floor with the same choreography, but the difference was amazing. 

“Wow, you look hot.” I said. “Victor would definitely notice you in a crowd of women.”

Minako laughed. “No, he’s going to notice _you_ in a crowd of women.” She winked, and I blushed. “Oh come on Yuri, just admit you like him already!”

Ugh. Why couldn’t she let this go? I had finally gotten past all my awkwardness around Victor. I didn’t want to lose focus by bringing up my feelings for him again.

“Minako, don’t do that. I don’t have those feelings for him.” She just lifted an eyebrow. “I don’t.”

She didn’t back down. “You are just lying to yourself then. How could you not like him? He came all this way to coach you. He’s been living in your house for weeks. You train with him everyday, getting all his personal attention. He’s the hottest thing since sliced bread…”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“And,” she continued, “I’d bet money that he likes you too.”

“Ha,” I snorted, “yeah, right. That’s impossible.” 

Minako quirked her head and came up beside me, puting her hands on my waist. Lowering her voice and affecting a Russian accent she said into my ear, “Yuri, your skating was so inspiring I just had to come to Japan to train with you. Show me your eros… and I’ll show you mine.” 

She jerked me close to her and planted a kiss on my nose. Then, she burst out laughing.

“Stop it,” I swatted her away, but I was laughing too. “Your Russian accent is atrocious.” 

“Come on Yuri. Say it, say you like him.”

“No way.”

“Yuri,” she launched at me and started tickling. Oh, now she was playing dirty.

“Okay, fine. Fine!” I said, breathless. I pushed her away from me, and she held a look of triumph in her eyes. “But it doesn’t make a difference. I’ve got to focus on winning this contest.” 

Minako faced me with her hands on her hips. “Oh, it certainly does make a difference, you dolt. It makes all the difference. Who do you think you’re seducing out there on the ice with this routine? You need to turn Victor Nikiforov into a drooling hot mess when you are finished skating. That’ll guarantee he stays and trains you.”

Now, that did sound appealing. I couldn’t imagine it quite yet. But, what if I was able to hold Victor’s attention, and as Minako said, make him drool? The ultimate femme fatale.

“Show me again,” I said, more determined.

***

“You’re looking quite pleased with yourself,” Yurio stated at dinner the night before the competition. 

I was pleased. I had really found my eros, and was feeling more relaxed than I had since, well, since Victor had shown up. Like I could take a breath. I had been working hard with Minako, and was finally starting to get the feel of the feminine movements she was showing me. It felt new, but also more natural. More me. 

I lounged back after dinner. Victor looked at me appraisingly. Seeing my own relaxed demeanor, he let go of a small breath he seemed to be holding. His face softened. I couldn’t quite place the expression at first. But he looked simply happy. 

“Yes, Yuri,” he said. “I’m really looking forward to seeing your routine tomorrow.” He winked, then looked over to Yurio. “I’m excited for both my love children to perform. I know you will both do me proud.” He laughed. My parents laughed as well. 

Yurio relaxed, though he didn’t quite break a smile. I did, though. Smile. I finally felt happy as well, being here with Victor and even Yurio. I had never felt like this before, relaxed around my fellow skaters, especially the night before a competition. 

We all just hung out for a couple of hours, enjoying each other’s company, chatting about nothing, watching TV, just being there. My parents went to bed, but the three of us just sat quietly for another hour. 

Finally, Yurio said, “Alright losers, I’m going to bed.” He left for his room.

I knew I needed to get my rest as well. But I didn’t want to end this feeling of peace I had. It had been so long since I’d felt it, I just wanted to stay in it as long as possible. Victor stayed, his legs kicking absentmindedly in the air as he lounged on his stomach over a cushion, looking out of the window into the courtyard.

“You should get to bed too, Yuri.” Victor finally said. He didn’t look at me.

Neither of us moved for another beat. I knew the spell was broken though, and stretched before rising. Victor stood and followed close behind as I shuffled my way down the hall. There was a quiet buzz between us. I paused at my door and turned to look at him. He had paused in front of his door as well. A breath. Then another. I thought he might say something, but he just smiled softly. 

“Good night, Yuri.”

“Good night, Victor.”

***

I woke up a mess. Gone was the peace of last night. Instead, the reality that I hadn’t competed since I failed at the Nationals sunk in, and that today could very well be the last day Victor was here. I knew I had been working hard, on both the routine and my eros, but did I really have what it took to keep Victor as my coach? I threw up twice before breakfast. 

“So boys, are you ready for today?” Victor cheered enthusiastically at breakfast. 

Yurio looked stoic, focused. Me on the other hand?

“You look green, Yuri,” Victor commented, concern in his eyes. 

“Yeah, pig, are you going to be sick?” Yurio shifted away slightly. “Just don’t hurl on me.”

My mom set a glass before me. Mostly alka-seltzer, with some ginger and peppermint. I looked up at her gratefully. She didn’t say anything, but winked. “I’m going to Minako’s,” I said, grabbing the drink as I stood up.

I put on my coat and shoes in the front room. Victor joined me quietly. He didn’t say anything, but put on his coat and boots as well. We walked in silence to the ballet studio. Minako widened her eyes slightly when she saw Victor enter with me, but didn’t say anything. She gave me a hug, then pulled me away and just looked at me, assessing. 

After a minute she said, “Let’s get you prepped.”

She lead me through some barre work, mostly stretches. Victor joined in, silently doing the exercises beside me. After thirty minutes he simply asked, “Do you think you can hold down some food now?”

I only nodded slightly, and he left the studio. He returned shortly with a small container of food from home. I ate slowly, but I was able to hold everything down. Victor handed me some water when I was finished. 

“I’ve got to go prepare at the rink,” he said. Then, he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

I took a deep breath, feeling a bit more sturdy. “Yes.” 

He smiled, the sparkle back in his eye. He winked. “Good.” Then he left.

“Drooling hot mess,” was all Minako said.


	11. Chapter 11

The rink was absolutely packed. The entire island had come to watch the “Hot Springs on Ice” competition. TV monitors had been set up outside for those who couldn’t get in. Yuko was trying to coordinate everything and was looking more frazzled than I was. Pink and blue were everywhere. The triplets were leading a cheer for those dressed in blue, trying to be louder than the girls in pink who were also chanting cheers.

Reporters were pressing to interview us before the competition. Victor was talking to them enthusiastically. “I’m excited to see both Yuris' programs. They’ve been working hard. You’ll definitely have a great show!”

A reporter grabbed Yurio and me before we entered the rink. “Yuri Plisetsky, what are your hopes for this competition today? Are you nervous about competing against Japan’s favorite skater?”

Yurio glowered into the camera. “I’m going to crush him.”

The reporter then turned to me, “Yuri Plisetsky seems to have laid down quite a challenge. What do you have to say about that?”

I gulped, but tried not to show my discomfort. “We’ve both been working hard, and Victor’s been a great coach, and I hope to do my best…” I was rambling, and the reporter soon lost interest and turned back to the camera.

“Well everyone, it’s looking to be an exciting contest here between the sweetheart of Japan, Yuri Katsuki, and Russia’s fiercest kitten, Yuri Plisetsky, competing for the chance to train with figure skating’s golden boy. Who will capture the attention of Victor Nikiforov is the question on everyone’s lips today!”

Inside, Yuko ushered Victor, Yurio and me to the changing rooms to wait for the competition to begin. Yurio was running in place warming up, earbuds in, eyes darting between Victor and me. I also had my earbuds in, but barely heard the music. I was in the middle of stretching when Yuko came in. 

“Alright Yurio, you’re up first.” 

He nodded once, then unzipped his warm-up jacket. Underneath was a stunning costume. It was one of Victor’s old costumes. It was breathtaking. Shimmering white, with accents of silver, teal and blue feathering in an intricate pattern lightly across his body and down his arms, and on the outsides of his legs. He pulled his hair out of his ponytail and shook it out. He looked like an angel. It was a bit disjarring. His delicate features, blonde hair, and elegant physique were so ethereal looking, if you didn’t know Yurio was the Russian Punk, you would think he was the most saintly person you’d ever met. 

Yuko’s eyes mirrored the awe I felt in mine. “Oh, wow. That costume — I remember it from Victor’s Junior competition days. I never imagined I’d see it in person. You look so beautiful.”

That actually seemed to please Yurio. He took a breath and left to enter the ice. Victor and I followed. Victor looked more focused than I had ever seen him. I could tell he was taking this seriously. 

Yurio entered the ice, and looked like a glittering angel. When his music started he instantly had everyone mesmerized. He was Agape. His movements had come so far from when he learned the routine more than a month ago. Smooth and graceful. Absent of much of the aggression that was his personality. He floated on the ice. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His jumps were perfect, and his step sequences looked amazing.

Yurio was a skating prodigy. I knew that he would definitely go far in his skating career, if he was already skating at this level for his Senior debut. I could tell he looked a bit tired as he performed his last jump and spins, but it was so imperceptible that I doubt anyone else would have notice. 

When he finished, the audience roared in applause as he took his bow. I looked from Yurio to the audience to Victor.

“Yurio!” Victor was shouting. “That was the best I’ve ever seen you perform!” He was smiling and waving enthusiastically.

The sounds all around me started blurring together. I felt myself get dizzy. Takeshi came over.

“Alright, Yuri. You’re up.”

I felt like I was going to be sick again. Yurio was so amazing, and if I messed up at all…

Minako came up beside me. She grabbed a hand, and Takeshi grabbed the other. Those hands steadied me. I looked up at them.

“Now, go seduce the hell out of Victor,” Minako said.

“That’s right. Go be your sexy bad self,” Takeshi followed up. 

I looked at them both, their faces nodding back at me, and threw my arms around them. 

Victor came up behind them and smiled. “Are you ready Yuri?” 

“Yes.” I stepped away from Minako and Takeshi. I stepped close to Victor, then said, “I’m going to show you all the eros I’ve got.” I threw my arms around him. “Please watch me.” 

He seemed taken aback, but said in my ear, “Of course, Yuri. I’ve been waiting to see your eros. Please show it to me.”

I moved away from him, then took off my training jacket. I could feel Victor’s eyes heat up as he took me in. The costume was a mix of masculine and feminine. Black leather and see-through mesh hugged my body tightly, showing of every cut of my physique. With all my training, my body looked even better than when Victor had appraised it all those weeks ago. One arm ended with a full glove of mesh, angled jewels lining the shoulder and hip. The other side had half a skirt flaring out behind, with a shock of red underneath. 

Victor whistled lowly. I looked back over my shoulder at him. The first part of my seduction had begun. 

As I moved to the center of the ice, I looked one last time to Minako as the announcer introduced me. She nodded once. I knew who I was skating for. 

As the music started I finally felt it. My feelings for Victor. Felt it as part of me, the sultry femme fatale that would make any other woman in Victor’s eyes pale in comparison. It felt natural to move this way, finally. I let my hips sway. Let my arms rove around my body. Every move showing Hasetsu’s playboy what he was missing with all those other meaningless flirtations. 

I moved through the choreography smoothly, but could feel the approaching jump. I tried to let myself just feel the music. A triple axel. _Don’t think, just feel._ My speed increased and I flew into the air, landing easily. Relief. First jump down. I fell back into the music, into the role. _I’m the only one who can satisfy Victor,_ I told myself. _The only one he wants._

My heart started pounding. I wasn’t getting tired, but I knew the quad salchow was coming up. _I can do this._ I jumped, and over-rotated, placing my hand on the ice to keep from falling. But I didn’t fall. 

_It’s okay. One mistake isn’t enough to make me lose my charms. I’m better than any other woman out there._ And I wasn’t just saying it. I could feel it. 

The music, the movements, I wasn’t just hoping to seduce Victor, I knew that I was. That feeling coursed through me, propelling me through my last triple-triple combination with ease. I didn’t even have to think. I knew I had the playboy, and could do with him what I pleased. And with one final flourish, the song ended.

Panting from exertion I didn’t hear anything at first. What had Victor thought? Anyone thought? Then, the rink erupted into cheers. 

I heard people shouting my name, but it was all a blur. There was only one face I needed to see. I scanned the crowd until I found it. Victor was shouting my name, hands outstretched above his head.

“Yuri! You found it, you found your eros!”

Relief washed over me as I made my way off the ice. He wrapped me in a huge hug. “I knew you would find it.”

Then, I saw Yurio walk away to the changing rooms. I went after him. “Yurio, wait, where are you going? Don’t you want to hear the results?”

He looked back to me with sadness in his eyes. “I already know the results. That routine. What you did. The way you performed… My Agape, it wasn’t enough. I’m better than that.” Then his eyes got tight and he turned his back to me. “I’m going back to Russia to train with Yakov. But don’t think this is the last of me. I’ll see you at the Grand Prix. And I’m going to win. Dasvidaniya.”

I watched him leave. “Dasvidaniya, Yuri,” I said. “Good luck. I look forward to competing with you again.”

He turned his head and ever-so-slightly smiled back at me.

***

Victor stood up on the podium with me as he announced that he was staying in Hasetsu to be my coach. The crowd went nuts. The announcer gave me a microphone.

“What do you have to say about your stunning performance and victory today, Yuri?”

I was still so overwhelmed, I didn’t really know what to say. 

“I just want to say,” I let out a deep breath, “that I couldn’t have done this without everyone’s support here in Hasetsu.” 

I felt Victor’s hand gently touch my back. I could feel his strength through it, and it gave me a new sense of my own strength. Then I said something I never thought I would say. “I know that with your love and support, and Victor’s guidance I can win at the Grand Prix Final this season.” I stood a little taller. The hand on my back pressed into me a little firmer.

“Well, folks,” the announcer said. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that we didn’t just see the return of Hasetsu’s pride and joy, Yuri Katski, tonight — but the birth of a brand new skater. We will be following him closely as we look forward to the rest of his season!”

Yes, the rest of the season still lay ahead, I thought. I considered that hand on my back. He was staying. He was really going to be my coach. And for the first time in over a year, I looked forward to what lay ahead of me.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke slowly to the sounds of bustling around the house. I was surprised I had slept this long. Long enough to see the sun start to rise, the rosy light of the early morning giving a soft glow to the air. It was the same glow you feel after waking from a wonderful dream you can’t quite remember, but want to hold onto nonetheless. Was last night real? I could remember every detail, but Victor’s hand on my back, his presence behind me, that surely was a dream. 

Beyond hope I had actually won. As my grogginess wore off that realization started to settle in. I reached over to grab my phone. Yurio had tagged himself on Instagram at the airport last night. He must still be on his flight back to Saint Petersburg. The morning was quiet, absent of his groans and whines as we got ready to train each day. It was a almost too quiet. I had grown so used to having Yurio around, it would be odd to train without him.

But I would be training without him. I had Victor all to myself. My coach alone. I shivered, despite the sun warming up my blankets. I sat up and grabbed my glasses. My clothes were strewn over the floor, only my boxer briefs staying on my body. Before I could even reach for my sweatpants though, Victor burst into my room. 

“Why good morning my sleepy-head champion! Had enough rest?” He stopped a little short as he saw me practically clothesless. He gave a little chuckling nod of approval. I screamed and hopped back into the covers. His eyes turned mischievous, then he grabbed the covers and yanked them completely off my bed. “Yuri, don’t hide that body. I didn’t realize you had gotten in even better shape over these past few weeks.”

I scrambled to grab the covers, clothes, anything. He laughed again, and before I could catch my breath dropped a knee down on the bed and leaned in close. “Let’s get to training,” he said, breathy and low. Then, he pulled back just as quickly. As he left he called back over to me, “I’ll meet you at the rink in fifteen.”

Fifteen?

***

Somehow I made it to the rink with one minute to spare, huffing a bit. Victor had me go over my Eros routine again for him. “I knew you had it in you. Whatever you’re doing with Minako, don’t stop.”

We practiced for the rest of the morning.

That night, we went for a good long soak in the hot springs. Victor, as unselfconscious as ever, started doing some stretches after the water warmed up his limbs. He kept badgering me join in. “The water is great for warming up, and stretching now is a perfect opportunity to get the blood flowing.”

Oh, the blood was flowing alright. To places I didn’t want him to see. I stayed in the water.

“You know,” he started, “I think we should cut back your quads in your free program.”

That hit me like a kick in the gut. I was trying to improve, and hoped I had been with Victor’s tutelage. This was a step backwards. And it hurt that he thought I wasn’t able to handle my jumps.

“What? But if I want to win the Grand Prix Final I need to keep those jumps in!”

“Not necessarily,” he looked at me thoughtfully. He came over and knelt beside me next to the water. He grabbed my hands and brought them to his chest. “Yuri, do you know why I came here, why I decided to train you?”

“N-no,” I was having a hard time concentrating. “I have no idea why.”

He pulled me in even closer. “When I saw that video of you skating, I was drawn to you because of the way you move to the music. Like the song’s already inside you and you’re using your body to release it. You need a high difficulty program to maximize that potential. I knew I could give you that. And the short program confirmed that I was right. You don’t need a lot of jumps to have a high difficulty program. And they seem to make you more nervous when performing.”

He was right, in a way. The part of skating I loved most was the choreography. Moving to the music. But I had been working so hard on those jumps. I didn’t want to lose ground. And I would never be as good as Victor if I didn’t conquer my fear of doing jumps in competition.

“Now, for your free skate program, I think you should choose the music and produce it yourself.”

“Huh? But my coaches always did that before.”

“What’s the fun in that? Choosing your own music let’s you really personalize it. I’ll still do your choreography, but I think it’s high time you step up and take more responsibility for your training.”

Well, that was a disaster waiting to happen. I could barely handle skating when my coaches worked with me. If left up to me I don’t think it would be any better. Worse was the likely outcome. Deep down I wanted to do what Victor was asking, but that just wasn’t something I was good at.

Victor got back in the water with me, and wiped back my wet hair out of my face. “What happened to that sexy, confident man I saw last night?” he asked me, brows furrowed. “The one who told Hasetsu that he would win the Grand Prix Final?” He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “That was the skater I came to train.” He then got out of the water. “I’ll see you in the morning. I can’t wait to hear what music you'll have for me to choreograph your program to.”

I couldn’t move. Not just because Victor was asking the impossible. But did he really think I was sexy?

***

I came the next morning with a bunch of music on my phone flagged for Victor. He listened to the songs I selected. “These are okay, but I don’t really feel they are coming from you, Yuri. You are being like Yurio and just want me to do all the work.” He sat back quietly for a few moments, placing a finger over his mouth. “I think it’s time to have a chat with your last coach. It was Celestino, right?”

Mortification. I hadn’t spoken to Celestino since last season. When I left Detroit to come home he told me he was disappointed I was giving up so easily. I hadn’t spoken to him since.

“Let’s get him on the line,” Victor held his hand out for my phone, waiting.

“What, now?” 

“No time like the present.” 

I looked at my phone. The time difference to Detroit. Still a decent hour to call. Swallowing hard, I dialed the number and put it on speaker. 

“Yuri?” Celestino picked up right away. “It’s been awhile.”

“Hi,” was all I could say for a moment. “I… I…”

“I know, Yuri, I know,” he said quietly. “It’s good to hear your voice. How are you? I heard you won the little contest between Yuri Plisetsky and you. So, Victor’s going to be your coach now?”

I sighed. I wish things hadn’t ended so awkwardly between us. Celestino really had been a great coach. “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing? Yuri, you never saw how good you can be. I could never help you see that. Maybe Victor will be the coach you need.”

Speaking of, Victor grabbed my phone. “Ciao, ciao Celestino,” he said cheerily into the phone. 

“Hi Victor, good to hear you too.” He sounded anything but. “So, how are you enjoying being coach? Not getting tired of it yet?” If anything, Celestino was very protective of me.

Victor completely ignored Celestino’s tone. “Hey, Celestino, why didn’t you ever let Yuri choose the music for any of his programs?”

“Of course I gave him the option to choose his own music,” Celestino went on the defensive. “He just never felt confident enough in any of the music he chose, and asked me to chose it instead.” Victor narrowed his eyes on me. I smiled sheepishly. “He did have one particular song that he had specially composed for him. He brought it to me and I almost thought we’d use it, but I wanted him to be sure. Yuri never trusted his instincts, even though I told him time and again he should.”

“I see,” Victor said. Then, he grabbed my phone, turned the speaker off, and walked away, “while I’ve got you on the phone, I had a few other questions about Yuri’s training before…”

Great, now Victor would learn all the things I wish he wouldn’t that Celestino always pushed and chided me for.

Victor came back and handed me my phone. “Yuri, I think it’s time you showed me this specially composed song of yours. I’m your coach now, you know. You can’t keep things like this from me. Even things like your secret training sessions with Yurio.”

I blushed. “You knew about that?”

He eyed me. “Of course. I also know about your workout sessions with Takeshi.”

I gulped. “Uh, I’m sorry.”

“Yes, well, I must say even with your secret practice sessions your jumps were pretty pathetic in your program. Your performance was what kept me staying on. If you had let me know what you were up to I could have helped you more. It was very risky putting that much stress on your body with Takeshi, and I wonder how much help Yurio really was. I don’t want to ever hear about you going behind my back like this again, understood?” he said sharply.

Whoa. Now the Russian was really coming out. Victor was always so cheerful, I had never seen this side of him. But if he was going to really be my coach I needed to listen to him. He was Victor Nikiforov after all. I would be an idiot to not listen to every word he said.

I breathed in. “Okay, you’re right, Victor. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Victor smiled. “Good. Now, do you have that song for me to listen too?”

I searched for it on my phone. I had asked a friend of mine at college who was a music major to compose something for me. I wanted to do something different, to have something no one else would. But I still wasn’t sure about it.

Victor listened intently, eyes closed. “Well, it’s closer than anything else you’ve shown me, that’s for sure. But I want you to be one hundred percent certain. Tell me why you hesitated with this song with Celestino.”

I shuffled my feet. Victor kept his eyes on me. “If I’m being honest, I did want to produce something myself, like you always have. To tell a story with the music and with my routines. So I asked a friend to compose this for me. I wanted her to put into music my skating career. But hearing it…”

I hesitated.

“Go on Yuri,” Victor said quietly. “I’m listening.”

“Well, the thing is, that music… it just sounded… well, weak. I guess it was the perfect representation of my career. Truth is, I hated it.”

Victor smiled at me softly, and put a hand on my arm. “No one who knows you thinks you’re a weak person, Yuri. It’s time for you to stop feeling that way as well. Now, why don’t you go back to the drawing board and find some music that truly represents what you really want to show on the ice.”


	13. Chapter 13

I decided to reach out to Phichit for help. I really missed him. We kept in touch through Instagram mostly, and it was fun to always see what he was up to since he pretty much posted about every aspect of his life. I swear that boy had more posts on his feed than even Victor. 

“Hey Phichit,” I waved to him on video chat. “Looks like you’ve been busy training with Celestino. How’s it been going?”

“Oh, really good. I’ve been better at landing my quads. Looks like you have, too. I saw your performance for your competition with Yuri. I miss you here, but looks like Victor’s an awesome coach.”

“Yeah, he’s been really great. It’s still feels a bit surreal.” Would having Victor as my coach ever feel normal? “Hey, I wanted to know if you still talk to Marie? I’d like to talk to her again about composing some music for me, but well, you know I didn’t use her music last time. I feel a bit awkward about it.”

“You know she’s probably the nicest person on the planet, right? Even nicer than you,” Phichit laughed and winked. “Yeah, we’ve been in touch. She asks about you. I’m sure everything’s fine, but I’ll chat with her.”

That didn’t ease my anxiety too much. I really felt bad that I wasted Marie’s time. But it seemed all my worry was for nothing because the next day I got an email from her wanting to setup a Skype call.

When we spoke it went better than I anticipated. I again apologized for all the work she had done, when I hadn’t even used the song. “Can I ask why you didn’t use it, Yuri? You can tell me,” she had asked. I explained how I wanted the song to express more strength. 

“It’s not even so much about my own strength, because at times I do feel insecure and worry about my skating,” I admitted to her. “But I feel strong when I have the support of those around me — my friends and family, everyone in Hasetsu. They really boost me up and make me feel strong. And now with Victor coaching me I really feel like I could actually be the skater I’ve always wanted to be.”

We spoke some more, brainstorming what it was I was really wanting to show in my skating. It really boiled down to how much I loved skating, and how the love of those around me helped me to live out this dream. 

“I’ve think I’ve really got it now,” Marie said. “I can see how that other song didn’t really fit. Though, we never talked like this before about it either. It really helps to hear from your heart, Yuri. It’s brave of you to share.”

“Thanks. I don’t feel brave, but it is nice to talk about it more with you. I just really love skating so much, but have a hard time really showing it, you know. But I think with Victor here I can. At least, I hope I can.”

“I know you can,” she enthused. “I’ll get right on it. I’m excited. We’ll get that love you have so everyone can see it, too.”

***

The next day I practically skipped to the rink. I was feeling lighter and more energized now that I had the weight of talking to Marie off my chest.

“She’s going to redo the music,” I told Victor excitedly as I laced up. “We had a really great talk, and I think we are on the same page now.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He walked with me to the ice.

“So… I was wondering. In the meantime, while we wait for the music I mean…” 

“Yes? What is it Yuri?”

I had been really wanting to tap into Victor’s knowledge for a while now, but was hesitant to ask. But, like he said, no time like the present. So, I just decided to go for it, “I want you to teach me all your jumps!” 

His eyes widened a bit at my enthusiastic request. “Well, alright then.”

After practicing for a couple of hours, Victor was leaning against the side of the rink to clean off his blades, sweating and panting slightly. We had gone over one of his signature jumps, the quad flip, over a dozen times. But I still wasn’t getting the hang of it.

“Can we go over that one again?”

“Again?” he huffed. “We’ve gone over it about a million times already. Although I was unsure about all the training you’ve been doing, I didn’t realize how much stamina you really have. It’s pretty impressive.” He continued wiping his blades. “There’s also the fact that you haven’t had any major injuries, and…” he paused for a moment, “and you’re younger than me.”

It was weird. I’d never thought as that as being something in my favor that Victor didn’t have anymore. He was a lot older than most skaters, but he was so amazing it was hard to imagine him being at the end of his career. As he bent over cleaning, I looked down at him. His hair was dripping with sweat, and he seemed like he had overexerted himself a bit, while I wasn’t feeling too tired at all. How could I be okay with continuing, but Victor wasn’t?

I stared for a minute at him, and before I could stop myself I reached out and placed a finger on his head. He jerked back from my touch, and put his hand on the spot. I immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“I think that’s all for today,” Victor skated away, hand still on his head, rubbing where I had touched him. Great, I had managed to offend my skating idol. _Way to go, Yuri._

***

Victor didn’t say much to me the rest of the day, but stayed out at his favorite ramen shop late into the night. Sleep eluded me as I laid in bed, stewing over how to fix my screw up this morning. I finally heard him stumble in just a couple hours shy of when I would normally get up to go workout at Minako’s. Deciding to stop fighting my insomnia, I got up to do some stretches when my phone pinged. There in my inbox was a rough cut of the song. 

My fingers hovered over the message. Taking a deep breath I opened it and hit play. Simple piano opened it, yet even from the first bar it had a strength to it. It drove forward building on the theme. It was elegant, yet still strong. Even in the middle, where it broke into a softness it never got weak, the rhythm always pushing the music to new heights. Finally, it crescendoed with orchestral instruments, until it broke off back to the single piano, circling back to the beginning and the purity of the theme came through it’s final notes.

The song was more than I had dared hope — it was perfect. It was everything I always wanted to express, but didn’t know how. My heart expanded listening to it. I laid back down and listened to it a few times, imagining my body moving to the music, wondering what choreography Victor would be able to come up with.

I wanted to show him the song, and I debated whether I should wake him or not for a good five minutes. Finally though, I just couldn’t wait and got up. Sliding the door quietly to his room, I peaked into the darkness. Victor was sprawled out on top of his bed half-dressed, with one shoe still on. 

“Uh, Victor?” I whispered. Then a bit louder, “Victor?”

He groaned, “What?”

“Sorry…the song… for my free skate. I just got it and wanted to show you.” I backed out of the doorway, “It can wait…”

“No, it’s okay,” he sat up groggily. “Show me.” I crept closer to him, then gulped. Hair mussed, bare chest still a bit flushed from drinking, with his pants undone and bunched around his hips, Victor still managed to be the epitome of sexy. Sometimes it just hit me how attracted I was to him. My throat went dry, and I thanked God he couldn't see me blush in the dark room. 

Clearing my throat I sat on the bed and placed one of my earbuds in his ear, with the other in my own. He was quiet as we listened, his eyes remaining closed. But as the song went on I could see him perking up a bit more. He opened his eyes, excitement sparking. Then he suddenly pulled me into a tight hug. “Yes, it’s perfect! I knew you would come up with something great.”

The hug startled me and my heart started pounding a breakneck speed. Victor must still be a little drunk, I thought and pulled away. “Well, I’m glad you like it. I’ll let you get back to sleep.” I got up and left as quietly as I could.

“Yuri,” Victor mumbled as he laid back down on the bed. “I knew you could do it.” Then, sleepily into his pillow, almost imperceptible, “You’re going to be so great… then Yakov will see…”

I closed his door and slowly made my way back to my room. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I felt a small pit in my stomach at his words.

***

At practice Victor was back to his perky self, so I hoped that my missteps from yesterday were all forgotten. He dove right into choreographing my routine with vigor. I stayed quiet for most of the morning while I watched him work. He was more focused than I had ever seen him before. And even more than that, determined. The sequences he was mapping out were incredible, but I was nervous about one thing still. I didn’t want to break his concentration, but as he furiously wrote notes at the end of a particularly intricate step sequence I approached him. 

“About my quads…” I started to ask him.

“Yes, I’ve been thinking about those, too,” he stood and crossed his arms, assessing me for a few moments. “Perhaps I was wrong to be so quick to discount them. With your stamina, I think we could keep in three,” he eyed me, “and even make the last jump a quad toe-loop. Unless you’d rather not—”

“No!” I declared, “I can do it.”

He nodded, then winked. “Good, I was hoping to hear that from you. Alright, let’s get started.”


	14. Chapter 14

Each practice was now focused on my jumps. I was happy just to land them successfully. Unfortunately, that wasn’t good enough for Victor. Now that he knew I had such stamina, he was pushing me to my limits. Today’s practice was particularly brutal. I had done almost twenty quad toe loops, and was bent over gripping the boards, watching my sweat drip down and pool on the ice by my skates.

“Again,” he commanded. “You keep hesitating right before you jump, so you don’t get enough lift. Stop hesitating. Again.”

Even with my stamina I was out of breath and my legs felt like jello. I could barely stand up. I huffed, “I don’t think I can jump any more today.” 

Victor’s eyes narrowed on me, “Oh, yes you can. _Again_.”

I glared at him, “No, I can’t.”

He kept pushing, “You can and you will.” 

I lost it. “I’m not like you, I can’t just do jumps without thinking about them! I don’t even know what you’re looking for! You should be happy I’m even landing them at all!”

His eyes narrowed. “If you don’t do another jump right now, then I’m going to pack up and head back to Russia this afternoon.” I balked, but Victor looked me dead in the eyes. “ _Jump_.” 

I pushed off from the rink wall, furious. Fine. He’d see. I’d do the damn jump. Victor thought that skating was just as easy as pie, it came so naturally to him. But skating didn’t come easily to everyone. Some of us actually had to work for it. I skated fast to the approach, my blood boiling, heart pounding. My tiredness left me momentarily as my anger surged.

“Arrgh!” I yelled as I threw myself high into the air. My body whipped around, and I pulled myself in tight, clenching with rage. I landed sharply, the energy of my jump not fully exhausted. I pushed into another jump, a triple axel this time, using up my remaining adrenaline. 

Collapsing on the ice, I felt hot tears running down my cheeks. Victor appeared in my blurry vision, pulling me up.

“Now, that’s more like it!” He was grinning widely down at me. “A bit sloppy in the execution, but no hesitation at all.” 

So that’s how it was going to be? I shoved him away, still mad. Though, I don’t know what made me madder — the fact that he was right in the first place, or that he knew that getting me angry was just the push I needed.

“Now, Yuri, don’t be upset with me. I knew you had it in you.” He then grabbed my face and planted a kiss on top of my head. I blinked up at him, completely shocked. “I think that’s it for practice today,” he winked, and then left for the locker room.

*** 

I was still sulking when I arrived home for dinner. Victor smiled at me as I came in, but I didn’t want to deal with his cheeriness. I turned and went to my room.

Victor in person was so different than the Victor I had known from afar all these years. I plopped down on my bed, and reached over to my desk opening a drawer where I had shoved a lot of my Victor memorabilia. There on top I saw a clipping of when Victor won his first gold at the Grand Prix five years ago. I pulled it out. Looking at it I could remember his free skate routine that got him that medal. I sighed. He was only a year younger than my age now when he won.

There was a soft knock on my door. “Yeah, come in,” I said.

Victor entered and sat next to me on my bed. I didn’t even try hiding the fact that I was looking at an article of him. He took it out of my hand and smiled. 

“You know, I was ready to kill Yakov that season. He’d told me it was high time I start winning gold, instead of being satisfied with just being on the podium, and that if I was worth anything as a skater I would never want to win anything but gold. He focused all his attention on me that year, and each night my legs were practically numb. I absolutely hated him. Nothing I did was ever good enough, even after I won that gold.” He sighed and said quietly, “It still isn’t…”

He turned me toward him, but I couldn’t look at him. “I’m the best skater there is, Yuri. I know that. But I have worked harder than any skater probably ever has. Harder than you’ll ever know. And what I gave up to be the best…” I looked at him then. His eyes were sad. 

He was quiet for a moment and took my feet in his lap then pulled off my socks. My feet were covered in blisters and sores. Victor started rubbing them softly, massaging the muscles, being careful of the blisters, while I watched in wonder. I felt my anger ebb away with his touch.

“Victor,” I whispered. I couldn’t quite look at him. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have gotten so mad. It’s just…” I wasn’t even sure.

“Yes, I know. I told you I would push you. Yuri, you deserved to be pushed.” He smiled at me then. “Though I should make you mad more often. It really lit a fire in you.” He turned and let out a laugh, then looked back at me through his lashes, “And it made you hotter than hell.” My cheeks felt instantly hot.

He squeezed my feet, then got up. 

Right before he left I asked, “Victor? If I didn’t do that jump this afternoon, would you really have left?”

He sighed and paused at the door for a moment, then turned back to me and said, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Just like most writers, kudos, comments, even bookmarks and subscriptions go a long way to encourage me! 
> 
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


	15. Chapter 15

As I worked out with Minako the next morning I could barely concentrate. I couldn’t shake what Victor had said — that he would really leave if I didn’t step up. I thought I pushed myself hard. I was always the one practicing longer and harder than any skater I knew. Except Victor. I had never been pushed so much in all my skating career. I thought about how committed I was to skating, because as committed as I thought I was apparently it wasn’t enough.

“Yuri, what is going on with you?” Minako grabbed the front of my shirt to get my attention. “I don’t think you’ve listened to the last twenty minutes of anything I’ve said.” 

I waved her off, “It’s nothing,” then moved from the barre to start my center work, going through the motions of the routine. 

I remember when Victor had joined me at Minako’s studio the day of the “Hot Springs on Ice” competition. Although I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time, looking back I could remember how graceful he was as he did the exercises. He had probably been trained in ballet from a very early age, whereas most ballet instructors would have considered me much too old when I actually started training with Minako. I was always playing catch up, especially to the Russian skaters.

They were all a bit intimidating, the Russians. I knew they were under a lot of pressure from their federation to not just make good, but to be the best. Their strict commitment always seemed to leave out the joy of skating though. But that was what made Victor stand out. He always had such beauty and joy infused in his routines. Such feeling.

Minako yelled over to me, and before I knew it my time with her was over. She handed me my glasses, which I had forgotten as I gathered my things. “Yuri, I don’t know what’s got you in a funk, and if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine. But whatever it is, don’t over-think it. I’m sure everything will work itself out.”

She tapped her hand on my forehead sharply, and I gave her a small smile. She was probably right, but it was hard to see where my path with Victor was really leading. 

Even before Victor arrived, my one goal in skating was to be like him. But did I really have what it took to be as great as Victor? He spoke about sacrifice. I was curious about what sacrifices Victor had made. He was so cheery most of the time, yet when he talked about sacrifice he always looked so sad. Although he was quite a celebrity, and I knew everything about his skating career, I really didn’t know anything else about his personal life.

It was a stark realization to discover I didn’t really know much about Victor as a person at all. The only thing he had shared about himself in all our months together was that he didn’t spend much time with his family — was that what he had sacrificed? 

Walking to the rink I thought about how lucky I was to have the rink so close to home growing up. When I wanted to move to Detroit to train with Celestino, although it was costly and a bit lonely at times, my family always supported me, so it wasn’t really a sacrifice for me. 

Even during all my years of training, when wasn’t I able to go to school activities or parties, I never really felt like I was missing out at all. Skating was something I loved, and I wanted to put in the work to be good. Better even. So, really, when it came down to it had I sacrificed anything at all?

***

After a couple of weeks Victor seemed more pleased with my jumps. He had been right, dammit. I had been hesitating, and now that I wasn’t I could tell the difference. I was now consistently landing most of my quads. It irked me to no end that as hard of a worker that I thought I was, it didn’t compare to Victor. Again.

He was also back to upping my workout in new ways. Minako’s new task was flexibility — Russian flexibility. I swear, Victor wanted to turn me into a human pretzel. 

“Yuri can’t be compensating his stretches anymore,” Victor said to Minako. I was sitting on the floor legs stretched out in front, with Victor pushing down on me for a forward bend. Except one hand was cupping my ass, and the other dangerously close to my groin, pulling my hips back against him. If I wasn’t in such agony from the new stretch technique I would have been in a very compromising position.

“He’s got to stretch from here,” he continued, hand digging into the juncture where my hamstrings met my glutes.

“Alright Yuri, spread your legs into a split.” As I spread out my legs, Victor grabbed my thighs and pulled them back, practically behind my body. 

“Ahh!” I yelled out. 

“Okay Minako, sit in front of Yuri and pull him forward.”

“I don’t bend this way!” I protested, tears running down my face. I couldn’t help it, and I was past the point of caring.

If someone had walked in on the three of us, my legs split with Victor pushing me down while I screamed, my face practically in Minako’s lap, it would have made for a very interesting story. But despite outward appearances I was in agony.

That evening, I sat in the hot springs and wept, my body pushed too far. Between the new workout and the grueling practices I didn’t think I could keep up this pace any more. Victor came in and I tried to hide my face. He sat close to me. Normally, his proximity would have made my body react, but it was too broken to do anything. 

He didn’t say anything, but he smiled a little at my sorry state. I had no idea why. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

A sob broke out. “I can’t do this,” I whispered. “My body can’t take this.”

“Right on schedule,” he chuckled softly.

“Huh?” That wasn’t the response I was expecting. A pep talk. A scolding even. That’s what I expected. 

“You thought that the work you put in to do the Hot Springs contest was what it took to win, didn’t you?” I turned away from him, because that’s exactly what I thought. “I told you I would push you harder than you’d ever been pushed. What do you think that meant?”

I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that this is what he meant. Bodies weren’t supposed to do this. Be pushed like this. 

“Have you seen the competition, Yuri? What do you think it really takes to win? Do you want to win or not?”

“I do, I mean I thought I did... I don’t know anymore... I can’t do what you’re asking of me.” I broke off into new sobs. 

“What do you mean, Yuri?” Victor took my face in his hands and wiped away the tears with wet hands. “Don’t you know you already are? You’ve never refused anything I’ve asked so far. You might not have been happy about it, but you’ve done it.” I continued crying into his hands. “You’re doing it, and you’re doing great.”

“No, I’m not. I’m a mess,” I whispered through the tears.

“Actually, you’re right on schedule,” he chuckled again. “In order to be a great athlete, really great, I had to break you down. And we’ve _finally_ arrived at that point. And I’m so happy, because now we can really get to work and I can build you up in the _right_ way.”

None of that made any sense to me. All I could feel was my utter exhaustion. My tears kept coming, and my body was shaking from the overload it had been experiencing. 

Victor pulled me into his arms. It would have taken me by surprise, but I was too far gone to think too much about it. Though that was probably a good thing. Feeling our skin touch normally would have put me in a frenzy, and I would have tried to read something into it.

“You’re going to be okay, Yuri. I promise. Not all skaters are pushed this way. But that’s what makes the difference between the truly great and the mediocre. I don’t want to waste my time on mediocre. And you aren’t mediocre.”

A few minutes passed, then Victor pulled me out of the water and said “Now, the best thing is to help your body repair as quickly as possible from the shock it’s been put through.” Then more to himself, “I’m so glad you live at a hot springs — I couldn’t have planned it better.” He helped me dry off and wrapped me in a robe. “Come on, now that your muscles are warmed up I’m going to give you a massage.”

Why did Victor have to do these things when I was barely conscious enough to appreciate them? Victor led me to our living room, then he and my mom busied themselves laying out towels on the floor. Victor had changed into his loose sleeping clothes, but had me lay down naked. My mom brought him some oils, and as he started spreading the liquid on my skin the aromas relaxed me some more. His massage wasn’t completely soothing, though. He worked my muscles deeply, digging hard into some spots. Then he stroked his hands briskly all over. I felt hot, and not a sexy kind of hot, but flushed. He was getting my circulation up, then he was toweling me with a cool, wet cloth.

“Here,” my mom said to Victor, and I looked back to see her handing something to him. She looked over to me and smiled. “Arnica, to help with the muscle soreness.” 

I let my head fall back down, muttering, “Thanks Mom.”

“Just Mom?” Victor quirked.

I sighed as I felt him apply the cool cream over my body. “You too,” I breathed. 

I finally felt like my body wasn’t being ripped apart. Victor continued to spread the cream over me. The weight of his hands felt comforting. Next thing I knew, I was enveloped in soft fabric and strong arms before feeling the softness of my bed back under me. 

Something at the back of my mind told me I should be paying attention to this, but I couldn’t think about Victor, or training or anything else as weariness completely overwhelmed me and I fell fast asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Well, today was the day that would determine my season. Everyone had gathered at the hot springs for dinner and to gather round to watch the announcement of my Grand Prix assignments. It seemed a bit preemptive to me though, as I was starting from behind scratch. After my horrible last season last year, I had to play a bit of catch up and re-qualify at the block championships. If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t even be eligible to skate in the competitions for the Grand Prix. And if I did manage to qualify, I still had to make it through two more qualifying competitions before the Final would even be a possibility.

Yuko, Takeshi and their girls, plus most of the inn's local guests, had come to encourage and support me for my upcoming season. But it had the opposite effect, only making me more self-conscious. Sure I had won our local competition, but that was only against a single competitor. The pressure of my new season was a weight on my chest. I knew I had improved so much, but facing the reality that I would be aiming to make such a huge come back was overwhelming, now that it was really here.

I spent the evening hiding away in the kitchen helping my mom so I could avoid talking with everyone. Minako came into the crammed kitchen to help me chop vegetables, while my mom scurried about making sure there was plenty of food for everyone. For once Minako didn’t say anything, letting me focus on prepping the food, only the sounds of chopping filling the tiny space. After a few minutes, I felt an arm slip around my shoulders.

“Yuri, aren’t you excited?” Victor squeezed me into a side hug. 

I mumbled an “I guess.”

Victor looked a little surprised at my grumblings, so Minako chimed in. “He’s worried about qualifying for the series.”

“Really?” Victor scoffed. “Yuri, you have nothing to be worried about. It’s just the block championships. It’ll be an easy to start your season.”

Sure, I just had to overcome my humiliation at crawling back after I bombed not only the GPF last year, but Nationals as well. No big deal. I shrugged out of his arm and moved to give my mom the veggies I’d chopped. Even amidst her rushing around, she paused and placed a hand on my cheek.

Victor was still hanging around the kitchen. As soon as my hands were free he grabbed one and dragged me to the front room. 

“Here he is!” he presented me to the group. 

I was pulled down and peppered with enthusiastic questions about my season and the Grand Prix. Soon everyone was enjoying all the food. Chatter and light laughter filled the room. I tried to smile and join in, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Victor kept nudging me and winking. 

“Stop being such a mope,” he said after poking me in the arm for the third time. 

I sighed, a little too loudly, catching Minako’s attention. She scooted closer then reached out and squeezed my knee. 

Yuko suddenly got up and went to turn on the TV. “It’s time!” 

Her girls squealed and scrambled closer to their mom, talking fast about all the skaters they had crushes on. Victor’s eyes were bright with excitement as well. Was it weird for him that his name wouldn’t be included with the skaters? 

We all leaned in every time the announcer read a skater’s name for each competition in the series. Finally, my name was announced for the third competition, the Cup of China. Cheers and whoops sounded. Phichit’s name was also announced, which made me feel a lot more relieved. For my first competition in the series it would be great to have him there.

“There it is,” Victor ruffled my hair. “The smile I’ve been waiting for all night.” My hand went to my cheeks, and he laughed. “Alright, quiet everyone!” He shushed everyone as the announcer continued on to the next event in the series.

My name wasn’t called again until the Rostecom Cup in Moscow, the last competition before the Final. Again, our small crowd cheered and gave me their congratulations. Victor however, got up and moved to the kitchen. I looked over to Minako, who simply quirked an eyebrow. Clearing off some dishes, I got up and joined him. 

Victor had a towel drapped over his shoulder and was filling the sink with water. It was an odd sight. When he saw me he gave me a big smile, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

"Hey! Congrats, Yuri!” His voice was a little too enthusiastic as he continued, “China will be great. I love China. All that food! I can’t wait, it will be great.” 

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I put my dishes in the sudsy water and Victor began washing. 

“Yeah,” I said slowly, picking up a towel to help dry. “And Moscow. I’ve never been. That will probably be nice for you, to be back in Russia.” 

The scrubbing continued, a bit more vigorously, before Victor said anything.

“The food there is wonderful, too. I can’t wait for you to try some real borscht.”

The silence grew again, and we finished up with the rest of the dishes my mom and Minako had brought in. 

My mom wrapped her arms around my waist for a brief hug. “It’s going to be a great season, Yuri. The block championships will be exciting too,” she said softly.

“Thanks mom.” She then left to join the others.

Minako came over and gave me a hug as well. “Hey kiddo. It’s all good. You’ll make it through the block and get to the series.”

“Of course he will,” Victor huffed, placing the last dish down loudly on the counter. “Seriously, why is everyone so worried about the block championships around here?”

Minako turned to him. “Yuri gets nervous in competitions, Victor, you know that. The qualifying block is no different. It’s a big deal for Yuri. You should be more supportive.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Supportive? Really? What would you call leaving a _very_ successful career to come and coach someone that came in dead last in the Final last year?”

Minako threw me a glance as she heard my small gasp. “You don’t have to rub it in for him. He knows he came in last.” Minako’s voice lowered to a growl. “No one asked you to come and coach Yuri. You don’t even know what last season did to him.”

Victor’s eyes narrowed on Minako, his voice controlled, barely above whisper. “You should be more grateful I _am_ here to coach him, not that idiot Celestino. Yuri’s going to be fine. I’ve been working his ass off, and I’m not about to have him lose at a damn block championship.”

He threw his towel down then turned and strode back to the front room where I could hear him join Yuko’s girls in their girl crush chat, which had only grown more animated throughout the evening. 

I couldn’t move. Minako didn’t move either, and she didn’t look at me. A loud laugh from Victor brought me out of my stupor. Minako looked at me then, and I felt my eyes stinging holding back my tears. 

“Yuri.”

But I didn’t stay to listen. I simply turned and headed straight to my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter took a different turn, but that's a turn my story seemed to want to take. So, it will be interesting to see how the story unfolds from here! I'm revising the next two chapters, where Yuuri competes at the block championships, so stay tuned!  
> \---  
> See my writing process on tumblr [@suzewrites](https://suzewrites.tumblr.com/), for ways I'm improving my writing, ideas for new YOI stories, and the like.
> 
> If you want to follow my YOI obsession on tumblr find me [@yayforyoi](https://yayforyoi.tumblr.com/).


End file.
